The Commonality of Abuse

1. A corrupt practice or custom.

2. Improper or excessive use or treatment

3. A deceitful act

4. Language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately and angrily

5. Physical maltreatment

So let us delve a little deeper into the TRUE meaning.

Abuse is a taboo subject. Many people sitting in their homes do not realize, nor do they want to, how common abuse is, and how it can affect not only women and children, but men as well. And it comes in many forms. Emotional, physical, sexual and economic are all forms of abuse.

Emotional abuse covers a wide range of situations. Abusers know how to push your buttons and how to say things that hurt you inside. They use guilt to get what they want. They find that part of you that they use frequently to assert themselves. The forms of emotional abuse are, but are not limited to:

Name calling and insulting, humiliating you, blaming you for things that you haven't done, accusing you for things that you haven't done, isolating you from friends and family, threatening you and the children with harm, or threatening to hurt themselves if you leave.

Physical abuse is the act of performing bodily harm. Whether it is backing you in a corner, or by slapping you in the face, it is damaging. It isn't right. Abusers use brute force to show their "dominance" and to gain control. It intimidates the victim into thinking that they deserve to be treated like that, and inhibits the act of self defense. The victims self esteem is called into question, and it becomes a shy talker.

Sexual abuse is a touchy subject within itself. The list includes: unwanted touching, demanding sex, with-holding sex, name calling of sexual epithets such as "whore," and marital rape. It is the act of performing actions upon the victim in a sexual manner, whether with the abuser or not. It is also one of the most damaging.

Economic abuse is the act of with-holding income. Abusers use the method of with-holding funds to make the victim unable to survive without them. It is also a form of emotional abuse. It makes the victim feel inadequate and useless.

By going through the following checklist, it may help you decide if you or someone you know is being abused. Does your partner:

1. Constantly criticize you and your abilities as a spouse or partner, parent or employee?

2. Behave in an over-protective manner or become extremely jealous?

3. Threaten to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends or themselves?

4. Prevent you from seeing family or friends?

5. Get suddenly angry or "lose his temper"?

6. Destroy personal property or throw things around?

7. Deny you access to family assets like bank accounts, credit cards, or the car, or control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?

8. Use intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children? Hit, punch, slap, kick, shove, choke or bite you?

9. Prevent you from going where you want to, when you want to, and with whomever you want to?

10. Make you have sex when you don't want to or do things sexually that you don't want to do?

11. Withholds sex to get what they want?

12. Humiliate or embarrass you in front of other people?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you are being abused. You are not alone. There are places you can turn to that will be willing to help you. You must get OUT.

Abusers may promise reform, they may apologize and tell you that they will do better, but that doesn't mean that it will not happen again. Yes there are some cases where it doesn't, but 85% of the time, the abuse doesn't stop. It gets worse.

So what should you do before leaving you ask? You need to create a get out plan and you must STICK TO IT. But first things first, who is going to help?

1. Get a piece of paper and list all of the people you know that you trust. This list is your safety net. It is the people that you will turn to when the time comes to get out. Keep this list in a safe place where the abuser has no chance of finding it.

2. Ask yourself: Is there any weapons in the house? Can you lock them up or get rid of them?

3. Teach your children how to call 911 or to run to a neighbor's house to call for help in case things get out of hand.

4. The Support Network can provide you with emergency shelter. Call the 24 hour crisis line at: 1-800-572-2782 or you can contact Heal Out Loud http://healoutloud.org for shelters near you.

5. Start saving money. Start taking the change that you find and put it into a jar that is hidden. It accumulates quickly and will help you when you need it most.

6. Put all important documents in an envelope and place the envelope in a place where you can easily get to them. The documents include:

· Drivers License

· Birth Certificate for you and your children

· Voter Registration Card

· Credit Cards

· Work ID

· Unemployment Card

· Passport

· Green Card

· Baptismal Certificate

· Marriage License

· Social Security Numbers for you, your partner, your children

· Medical Records, Health Insurance information

· Keys to the car(s) and house

· Bank books, Check books, Stocks, Insurance, Pensions

· All financial information

· Prescription drugs

· Copies of prescriptions

· Spare eye glasses or contact lenses

· If possible, valuable or sentimental items

You can also leave these items with a neighbor or friend.

When the time comes, stick to your guns. Your abuser will make promises, they will try anything to get you back, but in the end, you will be better off without them.

Feel free to drop by http://healoutloud to learn more about abuse and what you can do to prevent it.