The Coolest Part of the Day

Someone was knocking at the door. It was 4:15 a.m. but Herman was awake. The wasp removal guy was making such a racket Herman was surprised Marsha and the kids were sleeping through it. The wasp guy had said 3:30a.m. was the best time to go after a big paper- wasp nest like the one on the plum hedge along Herman's back fence.

He said that time gave you three advantages. "First it's about the coolest part of the day and insects move slower the cooler they are. Second, it's dark. A wasp needs to see same as a man does, so darkness gives you an advantage. Third," he had said, "the whole colony will be in the nest. During the day half or more are out doing their business, maybe a thousand wasps or so, and so when you take their nest they'll still be returning all day and be confused, looking for their home."

Herman thought the guy seemed like a decent sort. He sure seemed to know his wasps. Herman had called them bees, but the guy knew just from Herman's description over the phone that they were not bees. Herman's wife had seen a paper stapled to the information board outside the supermarket. It said,

"Looking for work. Yard work. Painting. Window washing.

Bee, hornet, wasp nests removed without poisons. Call Vic."

"Sure, come whenever it suits you." Herman told him. Herman said he would leave the guy a check under a rock on the front porch. So why was the guy knocking on the door? Couldn't he find the check? Herman answered the door.

"I think you should just let them be." The guy said as soon as the door was opened.

"What." Said Herman. "Why?"

"They're not hurting nothing back there, they're like thirty yards from your back door." He said.

Herman couldn't believe the guy was on his porch at 4:15 trying to talk him out of getting rid of a giant wasp nest. "I hired you to get rid of them. I can't mow my lawn back there. My family won't go in the back at all. The dog has to stay inside. I'd get rid of it myself except your ad said you could do it without poisons."

"I don't like to kill them." The wasp guy said.

The guy had on jeans and a hooded sweat- shirt. It must have been stifling. Even if it was the coolest part of the day, it was still summer in Pennsylvania.

"Then don't kill them. Release them somewhere else." Herman said.

"They don't always adapt to a new place. They are really thriving where they are." Was he pleading now?

"Listen, Vic, right?"

"Right." Said Vic.

"They are dangerous and I want them out and you are in the bee business so get them out." Herman was not usually abrupt with people but this was ridiculous.

"They are not dangerous if you just leave them alone. And they are not bees." Now he sounded like he was speaking to a child.

"Wasps, right, whatever they are. People can die from stings you know." Said Herman.

"I been stung four times this morning already. It's not so bad." Said the wasp man. "Actually it turns out they are bald-faced hornets."

"So can you get them? Is the nest too big?' Herman asked.

"I can get them." He answered back. Still he just stood there.

"Well," Herman paused a long time. "Will you?"

"Yea, I'll get them."

He put a paper grocery sack over his head. It had holes cut out for his eyes and a pair of safety goggles stretched over them on the outside of the sack. He had a flashlight taped to the bag on the right side at about ear level.

He left the porch and started around the house. Herman followed him around the house on the outside, but when they got in the back yard Herman stepped back into safety through the back door. The nest was about thirty yards back, but Herman wasn't taking any chances.