The "COULD HAVE" Pestilences Our Media "Prophets" Swore on Chilean Miners

Thank the Lord for creating the underground dark and humid.
Praise the Lord for making the ascent from there risky.

But I am peeved with the Lord for not making Chile the fifty-first state of USA.

See how much money some among us could have made out of this one event if those miners lived north of the Gulf of Mexico!

You would see from the list below how much was lost because the Good Lord created the miners and located them south of the border.

Here then are some of the "hail" and "brimstone" that should have showered and did not on the Atacama desert, much to the chagrin of many a prophet of doom:

Living down under so deep "COULD HAVE" developed decompression sickness ("bends" in deep sea enthusiasts' parlance).

Gas bubbles COULD HAVE formed inside blood vessels, leading to painful choking and death.

Blood pressure changes COULD HAVE caused nausea, vomiting and even panic attacks.

The gravitational pull COULD HAVE affected circulatory and immune systems.

Lack of exercise on gizmos COULD HAVE caused blood clots and loss of muscle mass.

Exposure to laughing gases underground COULD HAVE caused cognitive and memory problems.

One COULD HAVE lost the ability to do even simple basic tasks.

Lack of bath soaps, antiperspirants and deodorants COULD HAVE helped fungus to grow on skins.

Vitamin D deficiency COULD HAVE led to brittle bones.

Isolation COULD HAVE led to depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Hard luck. Yes, the Good Lord can be frustrating sometimes. He only created these money-making opportunities. And it is not fair on His part to deny them.

And if you didn't see any miner retching, panicking or not showing any of the other pestilences on coming out of that shaft, blame it on the Good Lord. Or, blame it on NASA's snake oil potion.

No wonder, NASA got their budget curtailed. Yeah, why should we give the space guys billions just to waste their time, making lotions and potions?

And as for you, Good Lord, I won't be talking to You again for stealing those lucrative opportunities away from me!

Yeah, You got it. I am a Media Prophet. So, You should not have acted against my predictions on what You will be doing with Your creations.