The Craziest Celebrity Baby Names

Here's a list of some of the craziest, ill-conceived and downright stupid names ever conceived for a child. They are all names given by celebrities who you would think would know better seeing as they are in the spotlight and should have an understanding of how an intrusive and critical media can destroy a person.

Some of these names would be just fine if the baby were never to age past 3 months, but unfortunately nature decrees that we all grow old and these poor little buggers will do so bearing the fruits of their parents fevered and over-imaginative baby-naming insanity.

You will notice that there are certain repeat offenders here most notably the talented lead singer of "Coldplay", 'Chris Martin' and his wife the only slightly decent actress 'Gwyneth Paltrow' who apparently both go insane in each other's company as they came out with the following two names. First we have 'Apple' and then if that weren't bad enough they came up with 'Moses' for their 2nd. No, it's not a comedy duo, although you could be forgiven for thinking so and exactly what book of baby names were they looking at 'The Bronx Zoo's baby name finder, Volume 1'?. And 'Moses', just think about that for a second. Unless your living in the middle east or are sporting an 11 foot white beard and leading the children of Israel through sandy wastelands of death for a few decades you really shouldn't be called 'Moses'.

The next worst offender is/was 'Paula Yates' a British TV Host some time back before her death in 2000 who was married to two well known rock lead singers. First, the equally deceased 'Michael Hutchence' of "INXS" fame and 'Bob Geldof' of "The Boomtown Rats" & 'Live Aid' fame. Before leaving this mortal coil she managed to use her influence on both husbands and managed to permanently damage all their children's live's by lumping them with...........wait for it (and I'm not making this up!): 'Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily' (You can call her 'Tiger' or 'Tiger Lily') & the best of the lot 'Fifi Trixibell' respectively. No, these are not 'Hong Kong Phooey's' illegitimate offspring, these are names given to actual human beings. I cannot imagine growing up with these names. I would be in counseling (& therapy most likely) by the age of 3 trying to disown my parents were I to be lumped with these ludicrous names. In comparison the 'Beckhams' 'Brooklyn' sounds practically normal.

Anyway, the whole sad list awaits you. Read it and weep for the poor (well, rich most of them) tykes who got lumbered with the following names:

Apple: Chris Martin (Lead singer of Coldplay) and Gwyneth Paltrow (Actress) - Cute for the first 2 months of the baby's life.

Moses: Chris Martin (Lead singer of Coldplay) and Gwyneth Paltrow (Actress) - Ridiculous name for a Caucasian child.

Fifi Trixibell, Peaches and Pixie: Bob Geldof (Singer) and Paula Yates (T.V. Host) (Deceased) - There are no excuses for these. Apparently they named their kids after the (4) Pekinese lap-dogs I assume they owned at the time.

Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily (Also known as 'Tiger'): Paula Yates (T.V. Host) (Deceased) and Michael Hutchence (Deceased) - O.K. both the parents are dead now so child, you can change your name without feeling guilty about it.

Blue Angel: U2's The Edge and Aislinn O'Sullivan - Sounds like an ice-cream.

Memphis Eve: U2's Bono and Alison Stewart - This sounds like a ship or a war-time plane that got shot down over Nazi Germany.

Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q: U2's Bono and Alison Stewart - This one sounds like a Welsh Reggae band.

Bluebell Madonna: Geri Halliwell (Spice Girls) - This just sounds like a type of tulip.

Brooklyn: David Beckham (Soccer/Football Star) and Victoria Beckham (Spice Girls) - Not so bad when compared to some of the clunkers listed above eh!

Fuchsia: Sting (Singer) and Frances Tomelty - Actually, this one isn't too bad. Just say it a few times with me: 'Fuchsia', 'Fuchsia'. I take it back, this one might be the best (least worst) of the bunch.

Heaven: Lil' Mo - A very optimistic name, considering the source.

Jazz Domino: Joe Strummer (Former Lead singer of 'The Clash' - Now deceased) - Who would have thought that someone as cool as 'Joe Strummer' would come up with a crap name like this for his kid.

Kyd: David Duchovny (Actor) and Tea Leoni (Actress) - Yes, he/she's a kid. But not forever. They grow up you know.

Lark Song: Mia Farrow (Actress) and André Previn (Composer) - Way too effete, for a girl or a boy.

Moon Unit: Frank Zappa (Musician) - Forgive me if I actually like this one.

Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo: Jamie Oliver (Celebrity Cook) and Jules Oliver (ex-Model) - I wouldn't call my 6-week old kitten this (even if I had one).

There you have it. Proof positive that becoming famous leads to mental dementia. To try to fathom the thought processes that resulted in some of these names is like trying to imagine the enormity of the universe. It'll just give you a headache. I wish these poor (make that 'rich') children nothing but the best, because they will most likely need all the help they can get with names like these.