The Curse of the Five W's

Once upon a time there was a man named Desperate who traveled through a deep, dark jungle to a great temple. Inside the ancient ruin sat an elderly woman who bid our hero to step forward and ask her anything as she was all-knowing.

Desperate removed his hat from atop his head and began to savagely twist and turn it in his hands.

"Go on my son," The elder replied, "You've obviously traveled a great distance to be here."

When the distressed man was not forthcoming with his question the elder offered, "Do you wish to know how the universe was created, how to get grass stains out of kids' baseball pants or perhaps the exact whereabouts of Bigfoot?"

Our hero let out a great sob as he buried his face within the folds of his ruined hat, "Oh great wise one, I seek the cure to a horrible curse!"

"How interesting," The elder's brow rose in surprise, "But do not despair, the cure to a curse won't be any trouble for me. Suffer no longer as there's never been a question too great that I couldn't answer!"

"How..." Desperate furiously wiped the tip of his snuffling nose with the twisted remains of his once great adventurer hat, "How does one rid their home of the Curse of the Five W's?"

The elder gasped, clutching one hand over her heart, "Not the dreadful Curse of the Five W's!"

"Yes," Desperate's body shook with despair, "The constant who, what, when, where and the ever-dreadful why through movies, dinner and car rides!"

The elder covered her ears with trembling hands as she sought refuge in the dark recesses of the temple, "You poor man, wouldn't you rather know how to achieve world peace, bring an end to world hunger, or the winner of the 2008 Presidential election?"

"All I desperately seek is the cure to the Curse of the Five W's!" Desperate wailed.

"You silly man, you ask for the impossible! Now, please leave lest you bring that dreadful curse upon me!"

A devastated Desperate removed himself from the temple and began his miserable journey home. When he finally arrived his eager wife was waiting only to faint on the spot at his empty-handed return.

It was then that Desperate's six-year-old daughter, hearing the commotion, appeared at her father's side, "Why is mommy on the floor? Where is your hat? When is supper? What time is it? Who did you visit in the jungle? Why did you go to the jungle? Where is the jungle? What were you looking for? When will you go back?"

Desperate dropped to his knees; arms stretched to the sky and cried, "Curse you, Curse of the Five W's!"

First published Daily Advocate, February 2008.

Bethany J. Royer-DeLong is currently entrenched at home fighting the good war against The Curse of the Five W's. She blogs recklessly, as all mothers of children under the age of six should, and has been working on that "supposed" great American novel, times a dozen. You can visit her at motherofthemunchkins.blogspot.com and email her at broyerdelong@yahoo.com