The Curse on Our Kids

I have been a parent for 20 years and 14 days. I have 3 children. My son is 20, and my girls are 16 and 2. They are all bright, funny and the loves of my life. I have experienced the first day of kindergarten, chicken pox, booster shots, and birthday parties. I have lived through dating, driving, teenage PMS, and proms. I even have a high school graduation under my belt. My youngest is only 2 years old. Her siblings have made me battle weary but savvy. I hope I can make it through her childhood with my sanity intact.

There are so many things about having kids that nobody tells you. For instance, when you take that little bundle of joy home from the hospital, there is no owner's manual. There's not even a tech support phone number to call. You are on your own. They will drive you crazy. You will never sleep soundly again. They will get their knees skinned and get their hearts broken, and you will hurt right along with them. They will make bad decisions and big mistakes and all you can do is watch with your fingers crossed. They will say and do things that will make you want to crawl into a hole. You will love them so much it hurts. Parenting is definitely not for the faint of heart.

I was recently thinking about my son's childhood. He was my first, and a clever little boy. Tyler was a challenge to say the least. He's grown now. He left home and got married this past Autumn. He is out of the nest and now he is about to become a father. My grandson, Kiron, is due to arrive on May 10th. The curse of all curses has been set into motion. It is probably the most common and most frequently uttered curse in the history of man. I'm sure you have heard of this curse. If you have a mother and you have chidren of your own, you know exactly what I'm talking about. " I hope you grow up and have a kid just like you! " Yep, that is the mother's curse. I said it and meant it; thinking back to his childhood, I know he is in big trouble.

There is one particular memory that stands out clearly, it was the first time my little angel ever embarrassed me in public. He was only 3 years old and had just finished being potty-trained. He went potty all by himself now. He had also recently discovered what I will delicately describe as his "morning glory". Every morning on the way to the bathroom he would whine," Ow! It's big, it's big." He hated that "need to pee" erection.

On a bright Saturday morning, his father and I took him to the mall to shop for new shoes. Tyler loved buying shoes and being measured to see how much his feet had grown. We looked at all the shoes and he chose the ones he wanted. The white tennis shoes with the blinking lights. The sales girl was a very young girl probably barely out of her teens. She was perfect for this job with her perky attitude and obvious love of small children.

Tyler eagerly removed his old shoes and stood up so he could have his feet measured. Perky sales girl said " Wow. Your feet are getting really big" to which my son replied, " Yep, and I gots a big penis too." I'm not sure who was more mortified, the sweet sales girl, or his father and me. Seriously, what do you say to a statement like that from a 3 year old boy? I can tell you that I was grateful to be rummaging through the clearance bin at the front of the store.

In a few months time my grandson will come into this world. He will be sweet and warm and pink all over. His parents will be overwelmed with their love for him and astounded by his innocence. But it has been promised that their little boy will say and do horrifying things that will embarrass his parents to death. Yes, my son grew up, and now he's going to have a kid just like him. Poor guy doesn't have a prayer.

This baby is going to turn their world upside down and their hearts inside out. They will love him with all their hearts. He will drive them crazy. He will be a child just like them. Someday, they will take the little darling out in public. He will beam at everyone who coos about how sweet he is. Eventually they will have to buy new shoes. That will be the day that the mother's curse will continue it's legacy. The curse that ensures we all get the child we deserve. I can't wait.