The Dangers of Dating an Idea of Someone Rather Than a Reality

Dating an idea rather than a reality? Isn't that something we've all done? You know, where you are so caught up in your idea of someone, that you can't see things as they really are, and refuse to see that person for who/what they really are? I know I've done that a few times, in my past relationships, and even my relationship with my husband. The problem with dating an idea rather than a reality is, you're only setting yourself and the other person up for heartbreak- and a lot of drama. If your relationship survives it, then you and your significant other will have to learn to see one another as you really are, rather than the idea of who you are.
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When my husband and I met, I knew he was "The One" for me. Since we're still together five years later- "What's wrong with that?" you might ask. Well, the problem is, I had an idea of him that just so completely wasn't him the way he really was, and he had an idea of me that was so far from the truth- sometimes I honestly wonder what was wrong with both of us when we met! Were we both even on the same planet? Sometimes I doubt it. The problem wasn't that we didn't truly love each other, but that we were in love with ideas of each other, rather than the reality.

It's taken us a long time of fighting, drama, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, anger and broken hearts- to finally see one another as we really are, and to love each other despite the other's flaws. When you date an idea of someone, rather than a reality, you run the risk of never truly knowing that person. If you don't truly know someone, or are unwilling to see them as they really are, then you can't love them and accept them unconditionally- which is a requirement for a happy relationship. If you're in it for the long haul, then you have to be able to see each other as you really are, and be able to love each other for who you are. If you aren't dating the reality, but an idea- you run the risk of never finding real love or happiness.

Dating an idea of someone rather than the reality can cause one to go into a sort "denial", which is usually out of desperation or a fear of being alone. This can truly be dangerous to one's emotional, mental and even physical well-being if one is so busy denying a person's true nature and focusing on an idea of them, in an abusive or controlling relationship. It is so important to have a view of yourself that is well-grounded in reality. Don't move too fast in any new relationship, and don't be so desperate to "have" someone, that you are unwilling to look at a person and a situation objectively and honestly.

If you find yourself making excuses for another's behavior, for staying in a relationship, or spend time trying to reconcile yourself to "that's just the way he/she is", and yet it still hurts, then you are likely dating an idea of someone, and not the reality. That's when it becomes time to re-evaluate your relationship. If you can look at someone, still see their flaws, see the issues in yourself as well, and your relationship- then you aren't dating an idea- you're dating the reality!