The Day of the Dead Cat

Yesterday was a brutal day. On my way out to the gym, about 8 AM, I discovered a frozen dead cat near the end of my driveway. With the help of my neighbor, I was able to get the poor departed pet into a plastic bag which I then temporarily stored on the side of my house.

I ran inside and called the SPCA to see if anyone had reported a missing cat. I told the woman on duty that I did not feel right about throwing the cat it in the trash as it had an indentation of a collar which meant it had to belong to someone. She said she understood and told me to bring it to them, and they would cremate it. With this sad situation under control, I went to the gym.

However, the cat incident was such a distraction that I forgot to take a whiff of my inhaler before I started to workout. This mistake became apparent about 10 minutes into my run on the treadmill when my bronchial tubes decided they might want to shut down completely. After I recovered from those few moments when I honestly thought I was going to keel over and die, I went home, took a shower and got ready to run errands which included transporting the cat's corpse to the SPCA.

On my way to the shelter, I was behind this woman who was smoking a cigarette and talking on the phone. Every time she took a puff, she hit the brake. In my car I was screaming at the top of my now inflated lungs,

"ARE YOU A FREAKIN' MORON? PUT DOWN THE DAMN CIGARETTE AND GET OFF THE PHONE!"

It's as if fate heard my rant. I am not sure what happened in that woman's car. I am guessing either she did drop the cigarette or the phone because for no apparent reason, she slammed on her brakes which meant I had to slam on my brakes which made the plastic bag with the dead cat, which was on my backseat, fly forward and almost - and let me emphasize almost -- land in my front passenger seat. Luckily, the bag hit the head rest and fell to the floor instead.

I can't even tell you what I was thinking at this point. I think I might have been CAT-atonic - yes, pun intended. When I finally got to the SPCA parking lot, I took a deep breath, gathered my courage and carried the corpse, which I am sure by now had started to thaw, into the building.

After I cried with the SPCA volunteer, I decided I needed a mood brightening experience. Since it was too early to drink, I decided a trip to Costco would be the next best thing. Why Costco? Because they feed me, and nothing makes me feel better than food. It's not that I have a big appetite, but food does lighten my mood especially if that food includes appetizers and desserts. I could care about main dishes which is why I got the reputation early on of being a cheap date. Yes, food is the reason. I have a habit of not ordering entrees - only an appetizer and dessert. If you don't believe me, ask my husband. To this day he doesn't complain about going out to dinner because I don't cost much.

I knew Costco wouldn't disappoint me, and they did have all kinds of goodies set up to taste. On my way into the store, they had coffee and muffins. The muffins were still warm. I opted for a blueberry one and started my shopping. Already, I could feel my spirits lift. That muffin sustained me until I got to the refrigerated section of the warehouse where there were demonstrators offering me a choice of crab, lobster and salmon dip. Since I couldn't decide, the woman giving out the samples insisted I try all of them, which I happily did. Costco also had out sushi, egg rolls and chili. Not wanting to be a glutton, I passed on the chili. Of course, each sampling led to an impulsive buying decision. In the end, my car was filled with food I would not normally buy, but since I ate so much for free, I felt obligated to purchase.

As I was trying to find room in my refrigerator for all the stuff I bought, the phone rang. It was the SPCA saying they thought they found the cat's owner, and they were not going to cremate him until the people came to see him. I hoped they wouldn't notice any damage to their cat from the mishap in the car.

Later, I saw my neighbor again, and I told him of the day's events. He looked at me, and said,

"Geez, Donna. You should have just put it in the trash."

I guess I do make things more complicated than they need to be.