The Day I Met God

Here I am. Two weeks into rehab, with no hope of changing the way I thought. They couldn't get me to accept that I was powerless over alcohol, that my life was unmanageable. Who were they to tell me such things. They didn't live my life. They didn't see what I saw, nor did they see what have done. Just who do they think they are to tell me that if I don't change the way I live, than I was doomed to repeat what got me there to begin with.

Before I had arrived there, I was in my hometown where I lived drinking, smoking marijuana and crack cocaine when I could come up with the money. My apartment that I was living in, had been burnt down by someone who passed out with a lit cigarette. I lost most of my belongings. You might think that that would have been a sign to stop what I was doing, but that only made me do it more.

So there I am, like a dog without a home. Twenty five years old and homeless. At about the same time I heard that my Great Granddad had passed away. My father came to the house where I lay my head at night. Told me that I was going with him to North Carolina to live with him and my mother. We went to the funeral and I just couldn't stay for the whole ceremony. I was mad at everybody, and especially God for taking a perfectly gentle man, instead of a bum like myself. Dad came out and asked me if I was all right. Through tears I lied and said I was. Why would he hug me. Who is this Man? This isn't the same man who would come home looking for something to yell about. This can't be my father. Same face, same body, but definitely not the same man. This scared me.

North Carolina was grand. I was working for Black and Decker making toaster ovens and money. Still running from the state of Pennsylvania, still smoking my dope, but not drinking, I was starting to feel good again.

Then it happened. Police came in with a warrant and arrested me. So off to jail I go. Nothing but the clothes on my back again. I guess I should have let my parole officer know I was leaving. That's what I did best though. Run from the law and run from responsibility. I spent ten days in N.C. jail, then they loaded me up in this white van, and hauled my rear end to Pennsylvania.

On the way to PA., in the van, was this guy who kept asking me if I was all right? What the hell is up with these people asking me if I was O.K.? It was pretty obvious that under the circumstance, that I wasn't. I weighed about a hundred pounds soaking wet. Yes I said to him. What a lie.

While in Tennessee, in jail, I decided that I wanted to get out of the block for awhile. I decided to go to this bible study thing that this dark complected man was hosting. He was another bible thumper in prison. I've seen them before, they seem to always be there in prison thinking God is going to free them. I heard a lot of mumbo jumbo then he said the most profound words while looking right at me.

What ever is keeping you from the lord, put it down!!! He nailed it. There was no escaping those words of truth. There really is freedom in knowing that there is someone who knew what it was like to be in a prison of loneliness, and suffering from not having what I was used to having, to deal with the situation I was in.

While in jail in Pennsylvania, there was this man named Peter. He let me know that there was help available, if I put down my pride, and asked him for help. He had worked a way for me to attend a 28 day rehab facility. I wish he were here today so I could tell him how much I love him. After all, if it wasn't for him, with his unselfish wanting to help, I wouldn't be hear today, to tell you what I'm about to say.

I agreed to what he had to offer. My child came to visit me while I was in prison, wanting to hold him, and letting him know I was going to be all right, I broke down in tears. Something about looking through double pain windows, will break any man. Leaving him is the hardest thing I could ever endure. For a brief second the thought of God came to mind when he had to sacrifice his son to save the world.

So here I am talking to you people, while this speaker is telling me my past, present, and hopefully, future. Telling me about the time he did donuts in the front lawn, and smashed into the side of a 55 Chevy. About the time when My Grandpa chased my Grandmother around the house, in a drunken rage. About the night when My father came home and broke my mothers' arm.

What is that kid outside swinging at? He is swinging in the air at nothing. It's like he has bees chasing him but I don't see any?

The Speaker went into my future by telling me that my son is

living in Arizona. He knows that he is all right, because he called him

the other day and said he was doing fine." I haven't drank at all Dad, I

smoke a little from time to time, but I haven't picked up a drink

As I sat there crying uncontrollably, I was thinking that no one on earth could ever know what I have been through in my life. I mean he was saying things that only me and my Grandfather would know.

I even doubt my Grandfather would remember what this Speaker was telling me that I have witnessed.

I left the room for this man was scaring me something fierce. I went outside and looked up and there they were. Twelve, I'll say birds, to keep the small minded people happy, circling into the sky. Higher and higher the climbed until I could not see them any longer. Standing there knowing in my heart of hearts what I have just witnessed, I decided to run to the man, the only man in this world who knew me and tell him I love him and want to be with him. He left the counselors had told me. "You can be with him forever after you complete your 28 days here" And so it has been. Since the day I met God, I have been on the path that he has laid out in front of me. Sometimes complaining. Sometimes happily, I wake up and thank him I'm alive and doing all right!!!

To my dear friend Peter. I'll see you when I get there.