THE DAY the WORLD BECAME CLEAR

THE DAY THE WORLD CAME CLEAR

Common ground trampled upon by ordinary feet, a daily occurrence known by all. I knew the importance of discipline but opted for the road of excess. Now my path is twisted in all the straight places and straight in the places meant for leniency. I have given myself no margin for error due to all the error made in vein. So, when the candle I burn at both ends finally reached the fiery middle I calmly waited for it and myself to extinguish.

Seeing the world as only my eyes have, sharp turns hold no great revelation. The rug has been pulled from under my feet as many times as something wonderful has slipped right through my fingers. Expectation of disappointment dulled the stab of any sharp turns now thrown my way.

Sometimes, though, something happens to those who least expect it. When all the burdens carried on your shoulders finally manage to buckle your struggling knees it happens. The world becomes clear. Its beauty is its simplicity gained from great difficulty. It is a gift to those who truly earned an open hand prayed for so many times before and always went unanswered.

When all of my struggles finally reached the pinnacle of their weight I stopped pushing. Able to stand no more I fell on my spirit as hard as I fell on my knees. I cried as I had before from desperation only this time these tears were from failure. As I lay defeated my gift was placed by my bruised soul. I took what was given and held it close with both arms, its warmth holding my loneliness back.

I still had all of my struggles, but they didn't seem insurmountable. I still had all of my worries, but they were insignificant in the truth as I now knew it. Mostly, I still had all of my memories, all of my hurt, and all of my anger. But now I was able to hold them in a place where they wouldn't burn through the walls and torch everything else I tried to carry.

I was given truth and meaning of what I gave to the world and what I let it give me. The ease of what I could have mocked the pain of what I unearthed myself. I knew in an instant that things could change immediately - but only if I allowed it. I could have innocence of newness, I could have happiness and ease in the morning, and I too could see something good when I passed in the mirror. All it took was me simply letting myself accept the world's purity and fighting my biggest demon. I had to give back something I took from myself, worth.

Torn and devalued year after year, I'm not sure when exactly I gave it up. But I had to get it back to live this life I was being shown. So I took back a little piece, enough to stand back up and make it to the next day. Piece by piece I am still taking, and day by day things seem a bit more uplifting. I know now that life doesn't have to be as I have made it. Life can be the way I allow it. I allow myself to want better and make choices that define them. I allow myself to be worth the extra mile. I allow myself to walk away from those who don't hold my name or my worth in respect.

The gift I was given was a gift I had to take as well as give. The world is placed in our hands, and the view is only as good as the holder. I may have been bruised by no fault of my own but after a while they are self inflicted. But that day my hands were washed to hold this world I was given. That was the day the world became clear.