The Death of an Aunt - How I Handled Talking to My Children
My ex sister-in-law passed away Sunday evening unexpectedly, the result of a heart attack. She had been ill with flu symptoms, but also had many illnesses including high blood pressure and diabetes. There is a history of heart problems in my ex-husband's family, with his father having his fourth and fatal heart attack at the age of 50. The suddenness of this event made it even harder.
My ex-husband came over to break the news to them today. We both felt it would be best to discuss this with each of the children separately. I have a 13 (almost 14) year old daughter and an 8 year old son. My daughter arrived home first today so we told her first. When my son came home we spoke to him and told him in a slightly different way.
Since we are all Christians, very grounded in our faith and belief that death is the beginning of a new life with Christ, it makes it easier to accept. It is actually a time to rejoice for the person that has been taken to be with God! These are the points that we tried to highlight with my daughter. In addition, we noted that her aunt had been sick and was now in a much better place. The discussion included the fact that the hurt we all feel is due to her loss and not that her aunt suffered. In fact, with a heart attack it was probably very quick.
Although similar in the points the discussion with my son was a little different and focused more on the aspect that she was in heaven celebrating and dancing. His father actually started off by telling him that we had another Angel in heaven watching over us.
With this being their first loss of a close family member, undoubtedly the days and weeks ahead will be tough on my children. However, with their strong faith, the belief that this time on earth is only meant to be temporary, and the promise of a better everlasting life ahead for their aunt, the news is really not so bad.
Published by mamalav
I am a 40 something working Mother of two beautiful children. I have only been writing on AC since the beginning of February, 2008 and I LOVE it. View profile
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31 Comments
Post a CommentSo compassionately expressed. This ought to encourage many to faith in such times.
Thank you...I never let myself think of these things, so I know this must have been difficult for you. My condolences.
Sorry for your loss. This article really touches on how difficult it can be to lose a family member. +++
sorry for your loss thanks for sharing
Sorry for your loss but sound like you handled it well!
Lovely story! Very sweet way to discuss death with children.
stopping by to email to a friend going through a similar situation
It is always hard to talk to children about something like this.
it makes it even more difficult to explain to children when the death is sudden. When you know it is coming you can kind of warn them that it is a possibility. My sister-in-law was killed in a car accident, she died suddenly, It was very shocking, they couldn't find my brother in law and contacted me. I had to track down my brother in law to tell him about his wife. That was horrible. I kind of went through a shock myself, and I had to tell my children while I was in the midst of my own shock. I don't even remember how I told them, I remember telling them to think about the good times they had with her. I also remember telling them she was in heaven, but at what point we had these conversations I don't remember, the whole thing was so horrible. She was only 31 and 5 weeks pregnant, a very sad occurance. Your article will be very helpful for families that have to go through the death of a loved one. I am sorry for you loss.
Sorry for the loss your family has endured. I know how hard that can be. Good article and great way to handle the hard times.