The Death of Language

There was a time...not that long ago...when ungrammatical, incoherent speech was heard only among the most illiterate and uneducated among us. Now, however, it seems to be everywhere, polluting our discourse and contaminating our language.

Now I'll admit that these assaults on our native tongue aren't criminal offenses deserving of jail time, but to a writer (and to anyone with an ear for language), they're offensive enough. And on the annoyance scale, they rank just below the sound of nails scraping on the classroom blackboard.

For example, our conversations are filled with puzzling uses of the phrase, "I was like," or "I'm like." All too often we hear people say "I was like 'no' and he was like 'yes,' and I'm like 'because.'

For the record, I'm like 'puh-leeze!' I realize that the word 'like' has become one of the most popular linguistic crutches in our language, but what is it doing in this context? Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned phrase, "I said"?

At first I thought this pattern of speech was just a generational thing, confined to ditsy teenagers and those under 30. But the habit has apparently spread, because now I'm hearing it from people in older age groups too. One can only hope that, like the Hula Hoop, this fad will quickly pass into history, because if parents insist on speaking this way, what hope is there for their children?

And then there's this linguistic tic that defies all logic. You hear it all the time...on the street, on TV...and, if you listen carefully, even among your most sophisticated acquaintances. I call it the "double-is" phenomenon, and I'm sure you'll come across it at least a dozen times today.

It sounds like this: "The thing is is that we couldn't agree." Or, "The problem is is that I have another meeting scheduled for that day."

Do you hear it? Despite the very serviceable phrases, "the thing is" and "the problem is," both of which stand alone and need no further help, the speaker has inserted a second "is." Just to be sure, I guess, that you understand what he means.

Note that this oddity appears in speech only. When people write these phrases, they immediately see that the second "is" is superfluous. Apparently, the eye is better attuned to proper speech than the ear.

Another verbal crutch is "sort of." Note how often it's used -- and how little it adds to the meaning of what's being said: "I was sort of looking around, and sort of hoping that I could find something nice." Or, "you can sort of try calling to see if they sort of have a reservation."

Try this test: Remove the extra "is" and "sort of" from the above examples and see if you can still understand what's being said.
Of course you can!

But it's not just in the streets where this assault on our language is taking place. The disease has infected the halls of corporate America as well.

Several times a week, I receive communications that begin, "As a valued customer of ABC Company, we're pleased to offer you special savings on our latest model."

Now since this letter or email is addressed to me, I'm pretty sure that I, the reader, am the "valued customer" being referred to. But when that key phrase "valued customer" is followed by "we", ABC Company is identifying itself as the valued customer! Not very customer-oriented, I'd say!

See how much clearer their message would be if they re-phrase that sentence to read, "As a valued customer, you're entitled to special savings on our latest model." Check your own mail to see how often companies make this mistake.

The common denominator in all of these examples is simple enough... if, that is, you have a basic sense of grammar and sentence structure and an ear for what proper usage sounds like.