The Death of My Mother

It was a beautiful Sunday morning in August. The kind of morning where others were doing yard work, walking their dogs or even going for a bike ride. I was doing none of these. I was getting a phone call from my father telling me my mom was dead. At first I thought it was a joke or a dream, but what a sick joke and I had never dreamed of my mother passing away before. As I was hanging up the phone the ramifications of the news really hit me. I was never going to see see my mom again, I would never get to talk to her or hug her or do any of the millions of things we had planned. The air rushed out of my lungs, my heart felt like it was going to explode. I slid to the kitchen floor sobbing uncontrollably still clutching the phone, waiting for someone to come and help me. This is the way my oldest daughter found me.

The first thing I needed to do, once I was able to think straight, was call my husband. That conversation was short and sweet, mainly because I was crying so hard I couldn't talk.

After making arrangements for my kids and dogs my husband drove me to my parents house. The drive was agony. First didn't anybody understand what was going on? Wasn't there a bulletin sent out telling everyone my mom had just died? Couldn't you all just get out of my way? Second, I kept thinking of all the things my mom would miss out on and the things I would miss out on because I wouldn't have her. She would not get to see her grandchildren graduate, or teach them to paint. She wouldn't get to read the third installment of the Eragon series. The more I thought, the more I realized how big a part my mom played in my day to day life. Now who was I going to call when my kids of husband were driving me nuts? I also started worrying. What would my dad do? They had been married for thirty two years, he didn't even know the passwords to the on line banking accounts. What would happen with their dogs?

I felt so lost and alone. I could hardly stand it but I quickly found out the world does not stop for your pain and grief. Kids still need clean clothes, dogs still need fed and my husband still had to work. Bottom line, I still had responsibilities, no time off for me. Then it suddenly hit me that I was being completely selfish.
My mother suffered from severe fibromyalgia. She had been in constant agonizing pain for the last seven years.None of the medications she was prescribed helped, so she was unable to do the things she loved, play with the dogs, paint and draw. She couldn't even visit with her grandchildren for more than a couple of hours.

Now that I realized that my mother was no longer in pain, I felt a little better, but only a little. I know that I will always miss her, but I also know that she will always live on through me and my children.

My mother was an amazing person, Smart, strong and funny. I will never forget her and will always remember her strength and sense of humor. I will find things that would have made her laugh and write them down. I will still continue to ask for her advice and listen closely for the answer.