The Decision

AMY EVANS, 23 year-old waitress and part time college student

JASON COLEBECK, 25 year-oldauto-mechanic; Amy's live-in boyfriend

MANNY, friend of JASON

IDA, elderly neighbor of AMY and JASON

TIME: The present.

SCENE: A cozy one bedroom apartment, home to Amy Evans and her boyfriend, Jason Colebeck. The furniture is well worn but it gives the small flat character. Amy is alone in the living room on a warm summer evening. She is a mousy girl of 23 years with brown hair and a plain face. She is listening to a jazz radio station and she has her shirt raised to reveal her belly, which she examines sideways in the full-length mirror as she sways to the music. Jason enters. He is 24 with dark brown hair, sideburns, and a dazzling smile. He is dressed in his mechanic's uniform with the shirt unbuttoned.

JASON: Amy, what are you doing?

AMY: Oh, nothin'... I was just occupying myself and waiting for you to come home. You know how I hate it when you work late. I've been missing you.

JASON: [defensively] Well, when Mr. Irwin asked me if I wanted to take on some extra hours, I jumped at the chance to make a few extra bucks.

AMY: I'm glad you did. Tips have been awful this week.

JASON [sitting on a beat-up loveseat, untying his shoes]: Do you have class tonight?

AMY: Nope, silly, it's Wednesday. I've been home since a little after two. I was actually hoping we could spend some time together tonight. [Sits next to Jason and rests her hand on his thigh] I feel like we've both been running in different directions lately and it's like we never talk anymore.

[Jason stands, tosses his shoes aside, and walks into the kitchen.]

JASON [Rummaging through the refrigerator]: Sure we do.

AMY: Well, yeah, we do talk, but it's like we never really say anything anymore. It's always the same routine: good-morning-honey, have-a-nice-day, how-was-work, good-night...I feel like we haven't had a real conversation in days.

JASON [Opens a can of beer, slightly irritated]: What is that supposed to mean?

AMY: You know how I am. Sometimes I just have so many thoughts in my head that I need to talk to have a nice long talk, or I feel like I'll go insane. It's hard when there's no one around to talk to... and you've been so busy with work lately.

JASON: [laughing] No offense, Amy, but we couldn't make even make rent on your little waitress check alone. What do you want me to do, quit my job?

AMY: I'm not saying that, it's just... there are lots of things that go unsaid when there's no time to say them. [Brief Pause] Lots of things go unsaid when the person you want to say them to doesn't want to listen.

JASON [rolling his eyes]: Here we go again.

AMY [innocent, teasing]: What? It's true, isn't it? You don't really enjoy talking to me at all. You're glad Mr. Irwin needed some extra help around the garage, aren't you?

JASON [noticeably irritated]: You know, you begged me and begged me to move in here and ever since I've moved in it's like you want me to be somebody I'm not. I've never been the heart-to-heart kinda guy, and you know it. I told you before, what you see is what you get, Aim.

[Motions toward the stereo, beer in hand] Will you shut that off? [Continues to rummage through the refrigerator]

AMY [Turns off the radio]: Are you hungry, Jay?

JASON: I don't know, not really. [Holds up a Styrofoam container] What's this?

AMY: Oh, I brought you home a burger and fries from Stan's. Want me to pop it in the oven?

JASON: Nah. [Puts the container back into the fridge]

AMY: Come sit with me, will ya? [Pats the spot on the couch where Jason had been sitting]

JASON: Alright, you win. Go ahead, gab my ear off.

[Sits, reaches in his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes]

AMY: Oh, Jason! You're not going to sit next to me and smoke are you?!

JASON: So what if I am? You never cared about me smoking before...

AMY: That was before, Jay. I really shouldn't be around second-hand smoke. Eight hour shifts at Stan's are bad enough! When I walk out of there, my uniform just reeks!

JASON: You lost me... why am I suddenly not allowed to smoke in my own home?

AMY: You're allowed, just, it seems disrespectful to, well, you know...

JASON: No, I don't...

AMY: Well, to the baby.

JASON: Oh, so that's what you want to talk about.

[sighs, pauses]

I thought we settled this already... We talked and talked 'til the sun came up that one night, and we agreed that this whole baby thing just wasn't going to work out for us. You know, you always over-think things.

AMY: Well, I can't help but think about it. I know it's not the best time for this to have happened but don't you think it's the least bit fascinating that there's a little tiny life inside of me? [Places an open hand on her belly] Part of both of us, you know? Call me crazy but I think it's kind of neat.

JASON: So now you're going to try to convince me to change my mind about all of this, is that it?

AMY: I don't know what I'm trying to do. No, I'm not trying to do anything at all.

JASON: [impatiently] Besides, where's all this "little life inside of me"-stuff coming from, anyhow? I thought you and I agreed that it's better to just terminate it before the thing is born and grows up to resent us for ever bringing it into this miserable world in the first place.

AMY: I know life hasn't been everything we've wanted it to be, but every day I get a little more attached and... I really wish you wouldn't call the baby "it."

JASON: [patronizing] Alright, if not "it," then what?

AMY: I was thinking Victoria Rose, after my grandmother.

JASON: [suddenly angry] Jesus Christ, Amy! You're naming it now?

AMY: Well, I was thinking about it today, and I bet you the baby's a girl. I just know it. When I think about her it's all buttons and bows and pinks and purples and kisses for her Daddy.

JASON: Why are you doing this to me, Amy? You can't convince me that I want to be a father, ok? Not anytime soon.

AMY: I know it's scary but haven't you ever thought about being a Dad? Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like? Haven't you ever dreamt up names for your children?

JASON: I used to think I'd have a son someday, but--

[Phone rings, Jason picks it up]

Hello? Oh, Manny! How've you been? [Laughs] Good, good. Mhm. Same to them, how they doin'? Great. Tonight? Well, tonight's not the best for me. I, uh ---Yeah---women issues. Right. [Laughs] [Amy rolls her eyes]

Yeah, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. Don't I know it. OK then Manny, let's plan for Friday. I'll see ya then. Take care.

[Hangs up]

[to Amy] That was Manny, we're heading down to the pool hall Friday night.

AMY: Oh.

JASON: Yeah. He says Rita and the boys send their love.

AMY: Oh, the boys. We haven't seen them in a while. [As if an idea just occurred to her] Oh, Jay. I just had a wonderful thought-- Maybe our baby is a boy after all! Maybe our baby is the son you used to dream of.

JASON: [Calmly] Come on now, Amy, we've talked about this. There's not going to be any son. You're not going to have the baby.

AMY: Alright, there won't be a son, you're right. She's definitely a girl.

JASON [sternly]: I'm not kidding, Amy.

AMY: I know we talked about it before, but that was weeks ago. A week seems like an eternity. I'm eleven weeks pregnant now. Victoria Rose grows a little more every day and I don't know if I can say goodbye to her just yet.

JASON: The longer you wait, the riskier the procedure becomes, you know that.

AMY: Yeah, but...

JASON: But what, Amy? I'm tired, ok? I just got home from work and I just want to sit here and relax and forget about my problems, and here you are moping around trying to guilt me into this after we've already made up our minds.

AMY: But that's the thing. I thought my mind was made up, but...I just don't know if I'm willing to say goodbye to her just yet.

JASON: [coldly] Are you willing to say goodbye to me, then?

AMY: No! Don't threaten me like that, Jason. That's cruel. [Hits him on the arm, he brushes her hand away, un-phased] You know that I never want to be apart from you.

JASON: I'm not joking, Amy. I don't want to have this baby, ok? What's it going to take for you to hear me out on this? You already know what I want you to do. We discussed this thing, we made a decision already. I don't see what the problem is now. You can't let yourself get so attached to something that doesn't even exist yet. We just have to do what's right for us right now, alright?

[Lights a cigarette, Amy looks at him with sad eyes]

You can think I'm a terrible person if you want, but that's the way I feel about it. At least I'm being honest with you. I just want to be done with this whole thing.

AMY: [Sadly] I don't understand how you can talk about a person like that... She's not an IT or a THING, she's a baby. She's our baby whether you want to be a father or not.

[Long pause. Jason enters the bedroom and emerges in a crisp white tee shirt and blue jeans. He sits on the sofa, leans backward, and crosses his arms behind his head. Although he appears relaxed, Amy knows him well enough to tell that he's unsure of what to say to her.]

AMY [Softly]: Jason, what if I just have the baby, and we take things one day at a time? If it's really that bad and we try and try but we just can't handle it, then---

[His demeanor changes from relaxed to tense, and he shakes his head with closed eyes]

--- there's always adoption, Jay. At least she'd still have a chance at life.

JASON: No, Amy. We've made our decision. Don't try to talk me into agreeing to have the baby. I don't like it when you try to manipulate me. Your consultation is tomorrow, don't back out now.

AMY: I know it is, I know. That's why I need to talk to you about this tonight. It's just ---- I've been researching the procedures and they all sound so terrible, Jason. Those doctors really don't seem like doctors at all. It all sounds so medieval really... They give you drugs to make your muscles relax and open up then they use knives--

JASON: Amy...

AMY:...and hooks to scoop out the baby...

JASON: Amy...

AMY: ...and chop it to pieces! Did you know that's what they do? It's not as clean and easy as you think it is.

JASON: I never said it would be easy, and I am well aware that nothing involving women ever is! Besides, there are lots of ways you can have it done if you don't want surgery.

AMY: But Jason, I'm already at eleven weeks. Did you know that by eleven weeks all of the baby's organs are formed? Did you know she's the size of a plum right now? There aren't any other options left.

JASON [shakes his head]: You're not the only woman who ever had to deal with this, you know.

AMY: You don't care?

JASON: Oh, come on. I never said that I don't care. Don't do this to me, Amy, not again.

AMY: I know you never said you don't care, but that's what it sounds like to me. Besides, I'm not doing anything to you. I'm just trying to tell you about what I'm going through here. You don't even know how a baby grows and develops from almost nothing into one of us. If you knew more about how these things work, well, then maybe you'd understand how I feel and why I'm having second thoughts. My grandmother always used to say that children are miracles and-

JASON [interrupting]: This was a mistake, not a miracle. Don't make it into something it's not.

AMY [Hopefully]: Well, I know it started off as a mistake but if you think about it, it could actually be something beautiful. Two people in love, being a little careless late one night after having a little too much to drink-

JASON [interrupting]: I think you mean A LOT too much.

AMY [ignoring his comment, continues]: --and then nature happens. It's part of life, Jason. Maybe it won't be so bad to just go along with it. Maybe it would be

better if we just let nature happen instead of trying to interfere.

JASON [Coldly]: Amy, we are not having the baby and that's that.

AMY [Stands up, angered suddenly]: That's that? Really?! You think I can just walk into the clinic and they'll just wave a magic wand and the baby will vaporize out of me and we'll forget this ever happened?! That's not how it works. This is life and death we're talking about here. You're telling me to get an ABORTION, Jason! You won't say the word but I will. I haven't heard you say it once yet because even YOU know it's a vulgar word. And THAT is what you're telling me to do! You want me to go and do something that you don't even have the nerve to say!

JASON [Firmly]: Amy, since we've been living together we can barely get along as it is. Why do you think we go days without talking? All you ever seem to do is pick on every little fault I have. Do you know how much it screws kids up to see their parents fighting all the time? I'm living proof, baby! If we had a kid, things would be ten times worse between us and it would grow up to be just as screwed up as yours truly.

AMY [Crying]: How could you say such awful things? Maybe my mom was right. Maybe you don't love me at all.

JASON [Annoyed]: Pfft.

AMY: Go ahead, admit it. You don't love me. You only ever say it anymore when it's dark and our bodies are tangled together, and even then I can tell you don't mean it.

JASON [calmly]: Knock it off, you know that's not true.

AMY: I'm the only one of us that feels love at all. I know why you won't marry me and why you don't want me to have your baby. You resent me, don't you? That's why, isn't it?

JASON [Gently brushing a strand of brown hair out of her face]: Stop, Amy. You know how I feel about you. You just-you can't try to force me to want something that I don't want.

AMY: Tell me you love me.

JASON: I love you.

AMY: No, you don't love anyone. You can't even fake it anymore.

JASON: I do, Amy. Don't you just want to go back to having fun like we used to? Didn't you like the way things used to be between us? Wasn't it nice when we had no worries?

AMY: Yes.

JASON: Then you have to go through with this so we can start living our lives again. Be realistic, alright?

AMY [Sniffling]: And what if I can't go through with it?

JASON: I don't know

AMY [urgently]: What do you mean, you don't know? I'm asking you, what if I can't go through with this?

JASON: Then I can't stick around.

AMY: But a child needs her father!

JASON [Matter-of-factly]: Inever had one. Besides, there isn't going to be any child and there definitely isn't going to be any father.

AMY [Sobbing, trembling]: I'm shocked but I guess this is what I get for trying to get a guy like you to love me. I knew from the moment our eyes met that you

wanted me, but I should've known that that look in your eye didn't mean anything more than that. But no! You fooled me into confusing your lust for love, and now look what it's gotten me into. The only thing we have is chemistry, I wish I'd known it sooner... I'm so alone, Jay!

[Jason walks over to the window and gazes outside]

JASON [to himself]: I've felt alone all my life.

AMY: When I met you I was just an innocent girl looking for someone to care about me. I didn't know any better. I've never felt like anyone cared about me except you, and now I realize that even you don't care. The world is such a terribly lonely place for me. Do you know what it feels like to have no one to talk to? You're the only one I've got and when I try to talk to you, you're too stubborn to listen to me. [Walks toward him, shouts] I don't have anyone else!

JASON: Why don't you just call your mother?

AMY: HA! She hardly accepts me dating you let alone living with you. If she found out I was pregnant she'd probably never speak to me again! She doesn't love me either, she just tolerates me.

JASON: She loves you. She hates me.

AMY: Can you blame her, Jay? How many times have I called her in tears because of you? She thinks you're just a free-loading jerk.

JASON: That's not true.

AMY: Well maybe it IS true. I don't know anymore. I thought if I gave you some time to get used to the idea of me being pregnant you might want to hear me out. I thought you might be willing to take a chance on me.

JASON: We're not having the baby, Amy.

AMY: That's the thing, Jason! We already HAVE the baby. [Shouting] The baby's here, right here! [Gestures toward her belly] Don't you get it? She's alive inside of me right at this very moment. Don't you realize that I can't ignore this? It might not be real to you but it's more real than anything I've ever felt before. I'm going crazy knowing that she's breathing the air I breathe for her. She's right here! She's listening to her Mommy and Daddy fight right now! She can hear her Daddy telling her Mommy that he doesn't want her!

JASON [grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her, shouts]: NOW THAT'S ENOUGH, AMY!

[Doorbell Rings, the sudden noise startles them both]

[Jason retreats to the kitchen angrily,Amy wipes her eyes, checks her appearance in the mirror and answers the door]

IDA [feebly]: Why, Amy, is everything alright in there? I heard yelling and I was worried for you, dear. There's been lots of yelling in your apartment lately.

AMY: Oh, hi, Ida. Yes, everything is alright. Jason and I were just having a -discussion-that's all. We're sorry if we disturbed you.

IDA [reminiscent]: Ahh, yes. I remember when I used to have shouting matches with my John, god-rest-his-soul. Whether I was loving him or hating him, at least there was passion! You know, I was always thankful for our arguments. They gave us something to talk about.

AMY [patronizing]: I see...

IDA: Yes, in fact-I think I miss arguing with him more than anything. Isn't that odd to hear? Well, never mind me, you two should treasure your little spats while you have them. When you're old and grey, you'll look back on these nights with a smile on your face. You won't even remember what you fought about, that's the funny thing. You'll just remember how alive it made you feel.

[Jason walks into the living room, lights another cigarette]

AMY [dismissive, impatient]: Right. Well, thanks for checking in on me, Ida. Now, if you'll excuse us---

IDA: Oh, right, right! That's my cue to go isn't it? You probably want to get back to arguing about who shrunk whose pajamas in the dryer-or, or--- who spent their last dime on smokes [gesturing toward Jason, winks] Well I'll be next door if things get out of hand, you lovebirds!

[Amy shuts the door]

JASON [To himself as he re-enters the living room]: What an old kook.

AMY [Collapses onto the sofa clumsily, sighs]: Jason, I'm so tired of fighting.

JASON: There's no fight left, Amy. I said what needed to be said. You have your appointment tomorrow, so you need to go and talk to the doctors.

AMY [groans]: Jayyy--

JASON [sits down next to her, covers her hands with his]: Just figure out when you can get it done and I'll take a day off from work to drive you there and back. I'll sit with you all day and hold your hand if you want me to. I'll do whatever you need me to. Let's just get this thing over with so we can move forward with our lives.

AMY [calmly]: But that's just the thing, Jason. I can't move forward from this. For weeks I've been trying to convince myself that you're right and we can't handle having this baby. I've come to realize that you're the only one who can't handle it. I can and that means WE can. You know it too; you just don't want to be bothered. You don't want to face this but we're going to face it together and we can handle it. I know we can.

JASON: No, Aim. If you have the baby, you'll be doing it alone. I can't give up my life to parenthood yet--

AMY [interrupting]: But, Jay--

JASON: Let me finish. I'm so young and there are tons of things I still have left to do. Twenty-five is so young! Do you think I want to have the responsibility of a little kid looking up at me and copying everything I do? I'm not that guy, Amy. I'll never be that guy. You know I'm no role model, for cryin' out loud! I can't spend the rest of my life being a Dad. I'm just not cut out for it.

AMY [quietly, to herself]: Then I'll be doing this all by myself, won't I...

JASON: Huh?

AMY: Nothing, I was just-- nothing.

JASON: Ok then. [picks up the remote, turns on the TV] Check it out, the Braves are winning.

AMY [surprised]: You're really in the mood to watch baseball at a time like this?

JASON [defensive]: Well why not? I said what needed to be said and now you're silent.

AMY: No you didn't, not really. All you did is repeat yourself, you didn't even give it a second thought, and I- [walks over to the TV and turns it off]

JASON [angry]: Amy, what now? I'm really getting tired of this.

AMY: I was-Well, I was hoping you wouldn't still want me to go to the clinic tomorrow, since I told you how I feel and everything.

JASON: You can't be serious.

AMY: No, I'm very serious. That's why I needed to talk to you about this tonight.

JASON [frustrated]: I don't know what to say to you, Amy. I told you what I wanted as soon as I found out you were pregnant. You told me you understood and you'd find a nice place to go and talk to the doctors and find out what you have to do. You did all the research, made the appointment, and now you're-- chickening out.

AMY [hurt]: Chickening out? That's what you think I'm doing, Jason?

JASON: Well, that's what it seems like to me.

AMY [angry]: I don't know why I even try with you anymore! I pour my heart and soul out to you and it doesn't even affect you! [Crying] Haven't you been listening to me at all?! I don't want to kill our baby, Jay. I want Victoria Rose to be our baby and I want us to be a family. I'm not asking you to be father-of-the-year or anything. For the first time in my life I have a chance at a real family, and you won't let me have that! Why won't you let me have a family? Don't you feel sorry for me in the least? Abortions are for women that are raped or all alone in the world, that's what I was raised to believe. So unless you're trying to tell me that I AM all alone in this world, I can't go through with it. I just can't! [a long pause]

I know you're afraid and believe me, I'm afraid too. But if we just give it a chance, I know that everything will be ok. We'll figure it out as we go along.

JASON [calmly, frankly]: Amy, I can't do this. [Stands and walks to the other side of the room, facing the wall]

AMY [surprised]: You-you, what?

JASON: You're right, I don't love you. That's why I don't want to have this baby. I can't be tied down here.

AMY [sobbing,disbelieving]: But you just said--- how can you-

JASON: No, Amy it's the truth. You were right all along. Are you happy to hear that you were right?

AMY: I-

JASON: That's right, I don't love anyone, not even me! That's what you want to hear, isn't it?

AMY: But Jason-

JASON [continues]: The thought of being stuck with one person for the rest of my life terrifies me. The thought of ending up like my miserable father, a man who hates his life and disappears one day leaving four kids and his old lady high and dry, that thought kills me, Aim. I can't do it.

AMY [angry]: But you have no choice, Jason! You don't get to make this decision now! Your time to decide you didn't want any attachments was back when you told me you loved me for the first time. You should've known better then. How many lies have you told me over the past year? Every whispered I-love-you has been fake, just fake!

JASON: I don't know what to say.

AMY [calmly]: Now I know that I really am alone.

JASON [sits beside her]: I'm sorry Amy. I didn't mean any of that, ok? If we can just put this whole mess behind us, we can work on us. [Puts his arm around her] We can go back to the way it was, you just have to work with me here.

AMY [pushes his arm away, stands up and crosses her arms]: There's nothing to go back to! I love a man who doesn't love me and never can. Now that I know that, how could I ever go back?

JASON: What does that mean?

AMY [wiping her tears]: I--I want you to leave. I want you out of here-- tonight.

JASON [laughing]: You can't be serious...

AMY: I am serious. There's no reason for you to stay here with me. I can't fix someone as broken as you and I'm just as alone with you as I am without you. [Begins gathering his clothes and stuffing them into a trash bag]

JASON [beginning to take her seriously]: So this is how it's going to be, huh? Amy Evans, the girl who is so afraid of being without her precious Jason is going to toss him out like yesterday's trash?! The pregnant girl with no one to turn to suddenly thinks she can face life alone! Is that how it's going to be, Amy?! Do you really think you can take care of yourself on your own? You're so needy! What are you going to do? Keep the baby and do what? [mockingly] Keep working night shifts at Stan's and bring home seven bucks an hour? That won't even buy diapers, Amy! Be realistic!

AMY [stuffs the last few articles of Jason's clothes into the bag, hands it to him, angry and tearful]: You can come and get the rest some other time. You need to go.

JASON: You're going to regret this, Amy. Remember how lonely you felt before you met me? When no one in the world cared about you? Is that what you want to go back to? Well, is it?!

[Amy is not making eye contact with him.]

AMY: You don't have anything to threaten me with anymore. I already know how lonely I really am. It's time for you to go.

JASON [grabs the bag out of her hand, violently]: You're going to feel like a fool when tomorrow comes and you're calling me, begging me to come and stay with you again! Well, maybe I won't come back, Amy! Did you ever think of that? You'll really have no one then! Maybe if I leave now, that'll be it and I'll be done with you. I don't need to be tied down! I don't want to become a lifeless shell like my father!

[Jason exits the apartment and slams the door behind him. Amy loses her composure completely and collapses onto the sofa where she lays, crying harder than she ever has before, for a few moments.]

[Amy dries her eyes and sniffles. She turns the jazz radio station back, and notices a baseball cap of Jason's lying on a side table. She picks it up, opens the door, and tosses it out into the hallway. She sits on the loveseat, and sighs deeply. After a moment, she picks up the phone, hesitates, and then dials a familiar number methodically.]

AMY: Hello, Mom? It's me, Amy. I'm pregnant.
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