The Definition of Cheating in a Relationship

Almost everyone will agree that cheating in a relationship is completely unacceptable, and grounds for a very quick break-up. But what is cheating? Definitions of cheating vary so I decided to do some research on the topic. I spoke with several people to find out their definitions and conducted a poll - the results were very interesting.

Poll results about the definition of cheating

The poll asked "What do you consider to be cheating?" 27% of people voted that anything from kissing onwards is cheating. Only 9% considered flirting and the sending of suggestive emails and texts an infidelity and the comments that followed explained the poll choices. (Please note that not everyone who commented got the chance to vote but the findings seemed to match the results as they stand).

Clare Dugmore from Birmingham, UK said, "I would class everything apart from flirting as cheating. Additionally, I would class certain emotional things, as well as physical things, as cheating. I fully believe someone can have an affair/ cheat on their partner without it being physical."

Clare's thoughts echo those of many who think that flirting is not really a sign of cheating, however not everyone backed up the notion that affairs don't necessarily have to be physical in order to be classed as a betrayal. Jennifer Amlie was one of the exceptions, saying, "Cheating can be emotional, not just physical. Like Clare said anything expect maybe a little flirting is crossing the line."

Clare and Jennifer make a very good point by bringing up the idea of emotional cheating. This happens when communication in a relationship breaks down and one part of a couple begins to lean emotionally on another for support instead of seeking solace with their other half. In a strange way this is almost more hurtful than a physical betrayal because it is more than just passion driven. It can't be blamed on a drunken mistake or a heat of the moment desire. It is a conscious choice to take problems outside the relationship.

Ashli Nicole Garza from Chicago believes that having feelings for another person isn't the same as cheating, unless they choose to act on it. Ashli said, "I know a lot of people who cheat on their partner and I think if someone who's in a relationship starts to develop feelings for another person but does not act on those feeling, it's not cheating and maybe eventually those feelings can subside. The second they cross the line & start spending time with that other person behind their partner's back & start doing things you'd only do with their partner, THEN we have a problem."

Melody Jones' feelings on the definition of cheating are very traditional, as she believes that things that may seem harmless could quickly lead to something more. She said, "Personally, I'm not a fan of even seemingly "innocent" suggestive texts and emails as I believe these are signs of a deeper problem in the relationship. I suppose it's not cheating per se, but it's certainly a precursor to it."

These thoughts are very common among people in relationships. In the celebrity spotlight, Vernon Kay damaged his marriage to Tess Daly when it was revealed that he had been sending sexy text messages to other women. For them, their relationship was strong enough to overcome the betrayal but that isn't always the case.

The one thing everyone agrees on is that cheating is about a lack of honesty. Jaime Skelton said, "I think that cheating isn't about the actions, it's about the honesty in a relationship. If I have full sex with another person and my husband is okay with it, how is that cheating? But if I flirt with someone behind his back, that certainly seems dishonest and therefore 'cheating.'"

Cheating in a relationship is the same as cheating at a game. It's dishonest and sneaky and although there is some pleasure from "winning", ultimately, the cheater will lose out. While general definitions of cheating vary in every couple, there is no doubt in anyone's mind that it is the act of lying that does the damage.

Sources:

http://lollipopdating.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-do-you-define-cheating.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1309844/Tess-Daly-reveals-shes-forgiven-husband-Vernon-Kay.html?ito=feeds-newsxml