The Detrimental Affects of Being Bullied

My Experience
I was bullied as a child. I know now, why the people that bullied me did what they did. They didn't feel good about themselves; so they had to put me down to make them-selves feel better. Still, even knowing that doesn't make me feel any better.

Affects Of Being Bullied
When a person is bullied, it lowers their self-esteem and makes them feel worthless. This can lead to a dangerous situation if the person being bullied should ever feel the need to retaliate and get even.

A Question That Continues To Elude Me
Why is it that we live in a world in which we have to put each other down to make ourselves feel better? This is something that just doesn't make sense to me.

Even To This Day
I'm finding that even know; thirty years later, people still come out of the woodwork that want to bully me. I, personally, don't have time for this and my time is best spent elsewhere, developing myself and making myself a better person.

The Result
So, as a result of this; I spend lots of time alone. I don't know if I will ever be able to trust people again because so far, people have continually let me down.

Marriage
It turns out that I married a woman who was a bully and I suffered the awful affects of that. Five years later I got divorced because she turned out to be a person who had little empathy in her heart.

Even now, I go to AA meetings on a regular basis to help me stay sober. It turns out that the person that I picked for a sponsor turned out to be a bully. They were bullied when they were little; so they felt the need to bully me.

So, as a result of this; I hardly talk to this person anymore. They even admitted what they were doing and apologized to me for it but, I have a hard time believing them because their behavior doesn't seem to be changing.

Friends
Since I have been through all of this, I choose my friends very carefully. I keep everybody a fair distance from me and don't allow anybody to penetrate my inner sanctuary which has walls made of steel.

It may be a lonely existence but, at least I don't have anybody pestering me about anything.

Retaliation Is Not The Answer
You may be asking yourself, why didn't you just retaliate and get even? Well, I always think of the consequences of my actions. I think that if I would have retaliated, that I might have wound up hurting someone; which I don't want to do. It takes a bigger person to be able to walk away from conflict, than it does to lower your-self to that persons level.