The Dictionary of Date, Chat and Singles Line Terms

I spent the years 1982 until 2006 as a "single" woman-for all practical purposes I was single, never mind the legal or romantic status. Except for brief stints during those 24 years, I was essentially unattached and available for dating. And I thank GOD that that is no longer the case, because dating in the 21^st century is like walking a steep, rocky, precarious path blindfolded and in big, fuzzy house-shoes.

So I'm going to explain to the newly-single, just-started-dating, or just-started-dating-again exactly what some of the terms used on the singles/date/chat lines or sites mean.

If a man says this... He means this...

I like long walks in the park (if, indeed, he likes to take long walks he would refer to it as "working out" or "exercise") (the best way to confront this one is to ask when was the last time he actually TOOK a long walk in the park) He doesn't want to spend any money on you

I am self-employed He may be on disability due to a mental or physical condition, he is definitely Unemployed and probably does lawn mowing or gutter cleaning for extra money

He doesn't want to meet a "gold digger" Again, it means he doesn't want to spend any money on you.

He's 52 He's 65

He's 5'8" He's 5'5"

He wants a woman who likes to cook How many times do I have to say it? He doesn't want to spend any money on you. He wants YOU to buy groceries, invite him to YOUR house, and cook for him.

He doesn't care what a woman looks like, he's more interested in her personality He's dog-butt ugly (and you should RUN). FAST.

Material things aren't important to him He is dead broke and is as likely as not to "leave his wallet at home" so that you can pay for whatever the two of you may have consumed

He's strong-bodied or full-bodied. He's fat. (Fat isn't necessarily bad, but call it what it is.)

He's 6'3", 280# and height-weight proportionate. He's 6'1, 350# and NOT height-weight proportionate (again, this may not be bad, but state the truth).

He has a receding hairline or "thinning" hair. He's wearing a comb-over (referred to by mature single women as "creative combery")

He likes simple things. Hello??? He doesn't want to spend any money on you...

He's passionate. He is just looking for sex and will likely never call you again.

He lives with a roommate (so he can't give you his number). He's married.

He's never near the phone, he'll call you. He's married.

His schedule is really erratic, he can't make plans ahead of time, he's just a "spontaneous kind of guy." He's married and has to wait to see what the little wife has planned.

He describes his sexual talents and prowess. He is (a) ugly, (b) has a tiny, tiny "member," and (c) he's REALLY ugly.

Sex is not important to him. He's impotent and hopes you're not interested in sex at all.

He tells you he has nice teeth. This means he has purchased quite a nice set of dentures. Again, this is okay, but their "nice teeth" is not something men talk about if they are originals.

He wants a woman who is established. He's living in an apartment, wants YOU to be a homeowner and would happily move in.

Wants a woman who has a good job. Hello again???? He's cheap and wants YOU to offer to pay. He simply doesn't want to spend money on you.

He just wants someone to cuddle with. He's only looking for sex.

These are a few of the "lines" you'll hear on the date lines/chat lines/singles sites. You have to learn to REALLY listen--like someone 8 years younger than me was describing his experiences in Viet Nam (except when I was 18, in 1973, the treaty ending the war was signed on January 29th or somewhere around there). And the simple fact is that, while Viet Nam was a terrible war, I really don't believe they sent prepubescent boys to war, so I realized RIGHT AWAY he was a L-I-A-R.

So, ladies, as difficult as it is meeting all the creeps, jerks and creatures in the world, I am living proof that if you kiss enough frogs, ONE of them may actually turn out to be a prince. Don't give up. An adoring wonderful husband is really worth it.