The Difference Between Erotophilia and Erotophobia

Sometimes studying new things can lead to unexpected discoveries. In the process of researching mysophobia, which is an irrational fear of germs, I ran across the term erotophobia, a word that immediately made me think of sex. Suddenly, I was more interested in learning about erotophobia and my research took a sudden change of course. As I was learning more about erotophobia, I stumbled on the term erotophilia, another intriguing term that also made me think of sex.

Knowing a little bit about the Greek roots of some words in the English language, I immediately surmised that the terms erotophobia and erotophilia are diametrically opposed to one another. I figured the term erotophobia referred to a person's irrational fear of sex. Conversely, I would have guessed an erotophile is someone who loves sex. In actuality, however, there's a lot more to the terms erotophobia and erotophilia than just the fear or love of sex.

What these two psychological terms actually refer to is a person's attitude toward sex. An erotophobe will have sex because it's necessary for procreation, to maintain a relationship, or as a physical release. An erotophile will have sex just because it's fun for them.

What is erotophobia?

According to the Web site Disabled-world.com, erotophobia is defined by psychologists as the "fear of sexual love or sexual questions." But it goes beyond just being afraid to have sex with someone. Someone who is erotophobic may also fear dating or marriage or any other activity that might lead to sexual thoughts, feelings, or actions. They may go to great lengths to avoid situations that might put them in danger of confronting their fears of intimacy and commitment. They don't talk about sex and try not to think about it. Sexually explicit photos, reading materials, or other erotic media makes them uncomfortable.

A person who is erotophobic may have guilty feelings about their sexuality; they may think of it as "dirty" or scary. These feelings may come from a number of different sources. An erotophobe may have grown up in a family that had repressive views about sexuality. Sometimes people who have certain religious beliefs may end up with erotophobia. A person can also become erotophobic after suffering some kind of sexual trauma.

In short, a person who is erotophobic typically has very negative attitudes about sex. He or she may feel a wide range of emotions when confronted with sexuality, including anger, vulnerability, disgust, fear, or shame. Consequently, an erotophobe doesn't tend to get around much in the sexual arena and he or she may not be prepared for a sexual encounter if the opportunity arises unexpectedly.

What is erotophilia?

Looking at the word erotophilia, one might think it describes someone who simply loves having sex. Indeed, maybe some erotophiles might actually be "sluts" of some sort. But the term erotophilia actually refers to someone who thinks of sex as a postive part of life, whether or not he or she "gets around".

According to Yvonne Fulbright, FoxNews.com's "Sexpert" , an erotophile is someone who has "a positive attitude and emotional feelings towards sex." An erotophile is not ashamed to think or talk about sex. He or she thinks of sexual intercourse as a very normal and positive part of life and doesn't experience negative or shameful feelings about sexuality. In fact, to an erotophile, sex is an essential part of a healthy relationship.

Sex positive?

In some circles, the term sex positive is used in place of the term erotophile. It basically means the same thing-- that a person has a positive attitude about sex and thinks of it as a healthy part of life. A sex positive person embraces all flavors of sexuality, ranging from the plain old missionary style of heterosexual intercourse to less mainstream interests like homosexuality, bondage, or dominance and submission.

The sex positive movement is gaining ground and has even advanced to the point of having its own foundation. The Center for Sex Positive Culture opened in Seattle, Washington in 1999. According to its Web site, the Center for Sex Positive Culture is dedicated to creating "an environment that was accommodating to sex positive communities and transformative in all areas of human sexuality, and has succeeded in creating that environment." Its mission is to "inspire and assist volunteers to produce experiential events where members can explore their sexual interests in a physically and emotionally safe environment."

People who are sex positive embrace sex as an act that goes beyond reproduction. They see sex as something that can be used to enhance relationships, improve physical and mental health, and promote spiritual growth.

Which is more common, erotophobia or erotophilia?

I didn't have sex for the first time until I was 30 years old. While there are several good reasons why I'm glad I didn't screw around much when I was younger, I do sometimes wonder if I missed much by keeping myself so tidy for my husband. On the other hand, I've never had any trouble talking or thinking about sex and I've never thought of it as a dirty act. In general, I've also never minded looking at, reading, or watching sexually explicit material. So, I guess like a lot of other people, my attitude about sex falls in the middle of the spectrum between erotophobia and erotophilia.

A person's appetite for sex is as individual as their fingerprints; though I think the vast majority of peoples' attitudes about sex fall somewhere in the middle of the extremes of erotophobia and erotophilia. A person can be so erotophobic that he or she never has sex within their lifetime. Or, a person can be such an erotophile that he or she has indulged in all kinds of sexual activities with a number of different people. It would be impossible to get accurate statistics regarding which condition is more common. While there are many people out there who don't mind a frank discussion about their sexual attitudes, there are probably many more people who would prefer to keep that information to themselves.

Who is healthier, an erotophile or an erotophobe?

A person can argue endlessly about whether erotophobia or erotophilia is healthier. An erotophobe may argue that they're healthier because by avoiding sex, they avoid exposure to sexually transmitted infections, unintended pregnancies, and relationship woes. An erotophile may argue that they're healthier because they can enjoy the physical and psychological benefits of having sex as well as the pleasant experiences that go with having a positive sexual relationship with another person.

Of course, being intimate with the wrong person can lead to unpleasant consequences, just as not being intimate with anyone can lead to boredom and depression. If you do happen to be an erotophile who indulges in casual sex, I would encourage you to take the proper precautions to avoid sexually transmitted infections, unintended pregnancies, or relationship abuse.

In my opinion, neither extreme is particularly healthy. I'm firmly in the camp of all things being best in moderation, though your mileage may vary. Ultimately, I think the healthiest action is to find someone whose attitudes about sex and intimacy are compatible with your own.

Sources:

Center for Sex Positive Culture http://www.sexpositiveculture.org/index_html

Disabled-World (January 11, 2009). List of Some of the More Common Phobias Retrieved from http://www.disabled-world.com/definitions/phobias.php

Fulbright, Yvonne. (January 29, 2009). FOXSexpert: Erotophilic or Erotophobic? Which One Are You? Retrieved from http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,483304,00.html

Tolley, Jenny. (June 6, 2008). Six Reasons Why I'm Glad I was Still a Virgin at Age 30 Retrieved from http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/798215/six_reasons_why_im_glad_i_was_still.html?cat=9