The Difference Between Good and Toxic Friends

Everyone knows the qualities of a "good friend", though you could probably ask 20 people and get 20 different descriptions. A good friend is a good listener, is genuinely concerned for for their friend's well-being, celebrates their friend's triumphs and sympathizes with their hardships. They give advice when it is requested, they try to pick the other's spirits up when they're down, they follow through with their promises whenever they can - and if they can't there's a good reason. They're honest and caring and add value and enjoyment to the lives of those around them.

So what do you do with a friend who's less-than-quality? Most people probably have a friend or two like this as well. You know, the person whose phone calls you are less than likely to answer or return right away because you don't derive enjoyment from them. The one who tends to try to top your good news with news of their own or who, conversely, always has a worse story than your own when the news isn't so good. The friend who is always trying to borrow something even though their borrowing history is far from perfect. The friend who demands your time and insists that it be spent in a manner in which they see fit. The friend who might be amusing and fun once in a while but not much else. The friend who leaves you drained or with a headache, wondering why you put yourself through this, whenever you're done spending time with them.

The latter description fits that of a toxic friend. Toxic friends tend to detract from your energy instead of contributing to it. They're usually the people who have a difficult time thinking of others' needs or feelings. They're the people who rarely go the extra mile for someone else but will complain to the high heavens when they feel as though they're being neglected. And it's a toss-up as to whether the neglect is true or imagined since these characters believe subconsciously that the world revolves around them.

Toxic friends aren't necessarily bad people! They just fail to see their selfishness and how it affects others. They might even think they're great friends and if no one tells them otherwise may keep thinking this way. In the meantime they will continue to leech off of their friends by demanding more time and energy than is possible without contributing anything in return.

Sometimes it's tough trying to extract oneself from a toxic friendship but it is important to remember that friends, like family, are here to support us, not to undermine our efforts at bettering our lives. If you're faced on a regular basis by someone who is siphoning your time, good feelings and positive energy, it might be time to find ways to put space between you and the toxic friend in question. After all, lives change and friends sometimes do as a result. It's not a crime.