The Different Negotiation Styles Between Women And Men

You have put many hours into a project that you have been working on for your company. It is now time that the board hears your ideas and decides whether or not to support you psychologically and most important of all financially. This means that you have to prepare a report with whatever you may need from them. You know that the board will be full of good negotiators and they will make you work for your proposed budget. How will you go about preparing for this presentation? What factors need to be taken into consideration?There are many different factors a person needs to consider when approaching a negotiation situation. Any number of variances can account for whether a negotiation is successful or not.

A few of the more obvious factors that are looked at are the other person's language, culture, business background, country of origin, and even their age. One of the most overlooked features is the gender of the person that will be negotiated with. We will take a look at why it is important to know the different negotiation styles between women and men. Then, we will compare the two genders with some similarities and differences that we found."Women are much less likely than men to use negotiation to get what they want. Why does this matter? Although negotiation has always been an important workplace skill, it has long been thought to be the province of men: a competitive realm in which men excelled and women felt less capable. But ideas about what make a successful negotiation have changed in recent years. Rather than a battle between adversaries, negotiation has increasingly been seen as, ideally, a collaborative process aimed at finding the best solutions for everyone involved" (Babcock, 2003). Below are three main reasons women have been less successful at negotiations in the past are: society, avoiding conflict, and risk taking. Then there three reasons why women are recently being seen as better negotiators they are relationship, methods used, and better listening.

The first reason women have been less successful at negotiations is the way our society teaches women to be. According to Doctor Clay Tucker-Ladd our "society values competition and individuals being successful on their own, women's orientation towards caring for others and/or cooperatively building the community is considered (by the male dominated society) to be of lesser importance. These value differences are reflected in the gender roles established by our culture". As a child you are susceptible to many things around you, children pick up on whose the mom and whose the dad and what their roles in the household are. The dad in most cases is seen as the dominant protector, while the mom is seen as more passive and submissive. We as children also take notice to the roles our parent play around the house, the women cook and clean while the men cut the grass and work outside.

Women in our society tend to hold more dependant jobs that have to be completed on a more rigid time schedule. In addition, "...our society still perpetuates rigid gender based standards for behavior-standards that require women to behave modestly and unselfishly and to avoid promoting their own self-interest" (Babcock, 2003). As women learn quite early in life "that competing and winning against a man can threaten his socially defined masculinity" and is socially seen as taboo. From the beginning of a woman's life, they are taught by society "that women are thought to be warm, expressive, nurturing, emotional, and friendly" (Babcock, 2003). When growing up girls are cuddled; baby girls are also 'thrown around' less and thought of as fragile. If everyone goes through their life with this mentality in mind, it is hard for women to break away from this stereotype and still be taken seriously and not as overbearing or overly competitive which can harm women in negotiation.

The next two reasons women are not seen as good negotiators are because the way women are viewed and because women tend to avoid conflict when possible. When negotiating with a woman "people routinely take a rougher stance" (Babcock, 2003). In car sales, for example they feel they can make more money on the deal (Lewicki, 2006). Women "feel closer and validated through communication, dialogue and intimate sharing of experience, emotional content and personal perspectives" (Conner, 1999) which can be seen as over sharing and telling the 'opponent' too much. Also in a study done by Linda Babcock when men were paired up with a woman to negotiate against men thought it would be easier because women are seen by society as more cooperative.

Lastly, women are not as big of risk takers as men are. They aim to attain less in negotiations and for the most part will not ask for more than they think they deserve. Studies done by Alice Stuhlmacher "report that women in their study made less use of distributive tactics (such as threats, positional commitments, and put downs), showed less interest in the bargaining task, spoke less, and displayed more self-doubt." "Women also set lower targets and settle for less in their negotiations because they lack confidence in their ability to negotiate effectively" (Babcock, 2003). Part of the reason many women don't like to take risks is because, "women worry that they'll lose control of the negotiation and make mistakes, that they'll concede too quickly or be thrown off guard or become intimidated" (Babcock, 2003). Women tend to be more passive than men are and "are more well liked when they are more passive" (Babcock, 2003). In our society, it is seen as a taboo for women to be aggressive in negotiations and "in short women."

What qualities do women possess that give them an advantage in negotiations? "Women are more likely to use methods" (Babcock, 2003) in their negotiation, to follow a set of rules or steps to get to a final outcome." "They take a broad or 'collective' perspective, and they view elements in a task as interconnected and interdependent" (Conner, 1999). Women have the ability to see the big picture and come up with a systematic plan on how to solve it. They feel more comfortable through communication and work through each step by sharing experiences while figuring out what both sides can gain to achieve an integrated outcome. "Woman are usually more concerned about how problems are solved than merely solving the problem itself" (Conner, 1999) which is good in negotiation because of all of the small details to keep in mind when making negotiations.

The second reason is women tend to focus on relationships. Instead of concentrating on what they want or need to get out of the negotiation women focus on what both sides need and how both parties can get what they want. The focus of negotiation recently has shifted to be a more win-win rather than a win-lose (Babcock, 2003), which is why women are tending to exceed more in today's negotiations. "Women take a more cooperative approach to negotiating" (Babcock, 2003) they are willing to work with the other person and are able to see both sides so both can get what they want. In a negotiation, women tend to ask more questions and do more talking one on one, however, "women discuss what is directly related to what each side wants introducing information into negotiations helps expand the understanding of the goals on both sides" (Babcock, 2003). This is good to build a relationship before the big negotiation start. Men will wait until the negotiations have come to a stalemate before going back the building a relationship and trying to understand what the needs are of both sides. This is a how women make a 'fair' deal, making both parties happy and maintaining a relationship, "[they] value being sensitive and maintaining good relationships, i.e. attachment over achievement" (Tucker-Ladd).

A third reason women tend to be better negotiators is because they are better listeners and less aggressive. Being able to listen to what the 'opponent' wants and hear them the first time will allow the negotiation process to go faster. This will only work if the opponent reciprocates the style or method chosen, women really listen "it's about figuring out very pointedly where [you] need to go and how to work with this person to get there" (Babcock, 2003). The other part of listening is the response, if an aggressive approach is taken in the long run, men tend to lose more because they don't listen and tend to get impatient and aggressive fast. It is said in Babcock's book, Women Don't Ask that "the approach that females take in general is superior and will get better results over time". Part of the appeal of this approach to the 'opponent' is the relationship built between the two negotiators, which can be trusted and built upon in the future.

Men are very different than women when it comes to negotiation tactics. Men seem to not be so concerned with other people's thoughts about themselves like women are. "Researchers have suggested that men and women approach negotiation differently because they view the relational aspects of the negotiation differently (Barron)." This is basically saying that men don't care as much about the lasting relationship after the negotiation. This is believable because men are very forgiving of there acquaintances. He may fight with someone one day and be the person's best friend the next; whereas, most women can't let hard feelings go that quickly (and sometimes at all). This is one aspect that men benefit from over women because he can go into a negotiation and not worry about how the other person will feel because of something that has been said.

"In general, men are thought to have a bargaining advantage over women (Barron)." This is a very true statement, and it is believed by most everyone. This belief also effects each and everyone of us because men go into a negotiation thinking that they have to be tough and get things their way because that is how the world thinks; on the other hand, women go into negotiations thinking that even if they give it everything they have, they may end up settling for what the other person wants. Along with men believing that they have a bargaining advantage, they also believe that they are entitled to more rewards and compensation (Stuhlmacher). Men are perceived as less cooperative and more exploitative (Stuhlmacher) because of their beliefs in themselves. "Men are better equipped to deal with the rough-and-tumble nature of negotiations (Gotbaum, 129)." They have this greater sense of pride and self-importance so they don't believe that they should be the ones who have to back down from something that they want.

Men have more than the correct attitude for negotiation; they have the ability to use the right tactics at the right times. The male species has the ability to speak up more and use more distributive tactics (Stuhlmacher). They want to have their questions answered and find out the information that they believe they are entitled to know. Men also want to make sure that people know what their ideas are and try and get as many people as possible to agree with them. "Men have been found to use more questions, clarifications, initiations, self-disclosures, commitments, and interruptions (Stuhlmacher)." This basically means that they are not afraid to speak up and freely talk to others about issues that have arisen in the negotiation. Also, this speaking up could be seen as, "men making more remarks indicating they could prove themselves in the negotiation (Barron)." Barron also believes that men make more remarks as to suggest that they are entitled to more than others and asserting that they know their own worth; therefore, thinking that people should hear them out so that they are able to get their thoughts and ideas out to others.

Men are also seen as stronger more aggressive speakers than women. Some people become intimidated when a male speaker starts "pushing their weight around" during a negotiation. Barron states in her article that "... boys evaluate toughness and dominance as more important than girls." This shows that men are seeking more power and in turn believe that they deserve more power. In some cases, men can seem to know more than women just because they can make whatever they say seem like the ultimate truth with everyone else being wrong. This can make people believe everything that they hear from this person even if it was completely made up. Men are better at making things sound believable and correct just by making the conversation confusing and hard to follow, or by throwing in a lot of things that seem like they are relevant, but truly have no importance at all in the conversation.

Men are believed (by the majority of our population) to have a more significant role in the family than women when it comes to business and money making. This brings me to the conclusion that this makes men think that they should have to be tougher in negotiations of everyday life because they need to provide for their families. "Men have the ultimate responsibility to bring home the pork chops (Gotbaum, 132)." Men see this as a reason to have things there way because he is more easily able to "bring home the pork chops" for his family. Also, according to Barron, "men make significantly larger salary requests than women." This is accurate because psychologically men believe they need to make more money than women to fulfill their duty in providing for their families, and because they believe there time, effort, and work is worth more than what women perceive their worth to be.

Ultimately, know one will ever know if men are focusing on their families' needs or their own needs. It is believe to be a little of both; however Barron believes "masculine negotiators conceive the negotiation as a one-shot deal and emphasize rules of the game. Men tend to focus on individual achievement and activities defined in terms of task and structure." Barron is basically saying here that men are more concerned about better outcomes for themselves and less for the other negotiators involved. Men don't want to have to negotiate over the same thing more than once, so they are willing to be pushing up front in order to avoid another meeting. They want to get right to the point as soon as possible and not waste time during the actual negotiation. "Men might tend to be less likely to respond to the behavior of the other (person) and primarily interested in their own gain (Barron)." Men don't want to get involved with the other person's feelings because they don't see that as something that has to do with the negotiation. The negotiation is completely business to them and other factors should not be involved.

As it is seen, men are very different negotiators than women because of the different tactics that are used and the different emotions that each gender brings to the table. Men are much more straightforward and want to get down to business. Also, men don't see emotions as something that should influence how or why negotiations occur.

Now that we have gotten a more in depth look at both women and men it is now time to look at their similarities. The first way that women and men are the same is that they both fit in society's role. It is not the same role, but both sexes do follow what the norm for their gender is. The second way they compare in negotiation is that they are both good, strong speakers. In the whole, neither gender outshines one another in this area. This is more on an individual level. To illustrate this example you could use a basic business presentation class. There will be more dominant speakers in the class that will vary greatly with both genders. The last similarity that we found between both genders is that they ask high-quality question. Both sexes are naturally inquisitive, even if what they seek from the answers is different. Women ask more questions to get a better understanding of the situation and men ask more questions to find all they can and use it to their advantage.

Now that we have looked at how the genders compare, it is time to look at the major differences between them. These differences are a representation of the genders as a whole and can vary from person to person. The first difference that we spotted was that women are submissive while men are dominant. In negotiations this can mean a big difference because it is a reason why men tend to be more aggressive while the women are less forceful. This can be a good thing for either gender or a downfall depending on the type of negotiation taking place. Another dissimilarity is that women go into a negotiation seeking to build a relationship. Men do not see this as an issue. They are there to make a deal and do not care much about the other party's feelings; where women care for other people and do not like to hurt the connection that is being built.

An additional difference that can be spotted between the two genders is that women tend to avoid conflict whereas men seek it. Men see conflict as an opportunity when is comes to negotiations. Women see is as a negative thing when they are trying to build a good rapport with others. This is also why women are more cooperative. They like to help people out and seek a win-win solution. This is one of the main reasons most people would rather negotiate with women than men. Men are less cooperative because they see this as a way for people to take advantage of them. They will look for a way to achieve a win-lose negation in their favor. Women are also seen as timid when it comes to starting the negotiation and bringing up unfavorable topics. They tend to "beat around the bush" more and try to see rough areas in more flattering light. Just the opposite, men are not afraid to speak up and are a lot more straightforward. They would like to get an issue on the table to discuss and then forget about it.

As is seen, there are a lot more differences between the genders than there are similarities. This is the entire reason why a person needs to plan a negotiation strategy differently for men and women. If you were to get into a negotiation with a woman you would want take a more non-aggressive stance and appeal to her compassionate side. It would go more smoothly if you tried to build a relationship with her. If you were going to deal with a man you would have to be prepared for a very straightforward negotiation. He will seek to get what he wants out of the negotiation with little care of what happens after the deal is done. One gender's approach to negotiation is not better than the others. It is very important to see how each differs and how to deal with them separately.
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