The Difficulties of Relationships with Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis Patients

Ulcerative colitis and Crohn's patients may be gregarious on the outside, but when it comes to their disease they are very guarded about sharing information. This is understandable, considering the nature of the disease has to do with guts, bowel movements, diarrhea, and other aspects of Crohn's and ulcerative colitis which can be extremely embarrassing.

Crohn's and ulcerative colitis patients have to make very careful decisions about whom they will tell about their illness. In the first place, not everyone needs to know. Secondly, there are a lot of insensitive friends, family, and co-workers who will make a joke out of a bowel disease. To an ulcerative colitis or Crohn's patient it isn't funny at all.

Crohn's and colitis are serious illnesses which consume a huge amount of physical and emotional energy. If you don't understand what is on the mind of a Crohn's or colitis patient, or why they act the way they do, it may be difficult to develop a healthy relationship with them.

Crohn's and colitis patients, however, need and desire friendships as much as anyone else. Their disease, which is not visible, sometimes causes behaviors that may seem erratic or distant to the person who does not understand the disease. With a little learning and a lot of understanding, you will begin to see why they behave as they do and to see that it isn't bizarre behavior at all. In most cases they are simply being protective. As I mentioned, Crohn's and colitis are not easy diseases with which to cope.

While some Crohn's and colitis patients have their disease under control, or in remission, there is no predicting when a flare-up will occur. Keep this in mind. If you have plans and suddenly without rhyme or reason your friend with Crohn's or colitis cancels, don't take it personally. Don't press with too many questions. They will share what they want you to know about the disease. Try to be understanding when plans change suddenly.

When I first became close friends with a Crohn's patient I didn't understand this aspect of the disease. I thought if she looked okay, she must feel okay. On more than one occasion I did take it personally when she cancelled plans at the last minute. I sometimes got angry because she didn't give me any advance notice. I could have made other plans.

I didn't realize that a Crohn's or colitis flare-up doesn't always give notice, either. As a friend of a Crohn's or colitis sufferer, you may be as subject to the disease as they are. That doesn't mean you can't continue to go out and carry through with plans, but keep in mind the reason your friend may have dropped out of the plans.

If others ask where your friend is explain that he has an autoimmune disease and didn't feel like getting out. It is not your job to tell others about a friend's Crohn's or colitis condition. You do not know with whom they feel comfortable sharing the information. It would be rude and impolite to put your friend in a position of having to further explain something that you shared with others who didn't need to know.

Sometimes, an individual with Crohn's or colitis may want to get out, but may have an idea for a sudden change of plans. For example, if you were headed to Six Flags for the day, and they felt a flare-up coming on, they may suggest going to the movies or the mall instead. This allows them the convenience of being closer to a restroom in the event of an emergency. Believe me, emergencies and accidents are among the most embarrassing aspects of Crohn's and colitis. If you don't understand the change of plans, it is okay to ask, but if they explain that they just don't feel up to going horseback riding, try to understand. It is not that they don't want to go on the original outing. It is likely a matter that they can't.

I cannot reiterate enough that they may not discuss the reasons with you. That is why I'm sharing the information in this article. If you are a genuine friend to a Crohn's or colitis patient it is crucial that you understand why they may act the way they do.

Sometimes, your friend may not feel like getting up out of bed or getting out at all. Try to be sensitive and determine if the cause is depression, or a flare-up. Depression is common among people who have any chronic illness. Getting out of the house is good for depression. On the other hand, if it is a physical problem, you can't push it. If your friend is not up to getting out, they are simply not up to it.

Let's presume that you make it out of the house, you are going to dinner, or some other activity. You don't have to be blatant about it, but try to locate the restrooms and be aware of where they are in case your friend has an emergency. If you are eating out, try to locate a table not too far from the restroom.

If your friend begins acting oddly, or is suddenly ready to go, be prepared to go with the flow.

Crohn's and colitis are unpredictable diseases which occupy more of your friend's time and thought than you probably ever realized. Try to understand their perspective and work to help make them as comfortable as possible. Crohn's and colitis are difficult enough to deal with. Friends can make it easier by being understanding and flexible.