The Dilemma of Gift-Giving

Oh yes, it is that time of year. Holiday promotions and decorations started going up in stores in late October this year, next to the scary costume displays. For some people, it is time to go into temporary debt in order to buy more than enough food and presents. For others, it is time to feel guilty about not being able to buy enough. For yet others, it is time to procrastinate and wait until the last minute to run and just buy something for people to whom they feel obligated. For others who have this time of year well-organized completed their shopping months ago and it is simply time to turn on festive music, decorate the house, and enjoy a cup of cocoa as they casually sit down to wrap the perfect gifts. I have been in all of the categories except the latter!

In the past, I have gone completely overboard during this time of year. At 19, I spent $800 on gifts at a retail clothing store, and that was after my 30% employee discount. One year, I did a holiday gift "treasure hunt" for my boyfriend with hint-notes around his apartment, leading him to presents. Some Decembers, the presents pile under our family tree was overflowing, taking hours to open them all. At some point, I began to reflect on my gift-giving and receiving priorities. I got a lot of enjoyment out of giving gifts; I just could not sustain the exponential pattern developing. I realized many of the gifts I had bought and received were sitting forgotten on a shelf or in a closet. Pondering the balance between thoughtfulness and wrapping stuff in pretty paper, I started to feel the way I had been doing things was too shallow and wasteful. I had to consider other ways of gift-giving.

My attempts have generally failed. The first year I tried to do homemade gifts was a huge flop. I made what I thought was beautiful stationary for one person; a few years later, they re-gifted it to me. That same year, I tried to make a real leather wallet for my brother that ended up looking like a camp craft project gone wrong. The following year, I made and delivered cookies but I am so inept in the kitchen that it took far more time than I had available; I could spend only a few minutes at each house. One year I drew pictures but inevitably felt rushed to complete the artwork as the season arrived. I did not even get to frame them. Last year, I gave homemade "certificates" to family members and a few close friends, each redeemable for one course at a community college of their choice. Everyone said they thought it was a great idea and named classes they would like to take. A year later, not a single person has cashed in their certificate.

When I began grappling with my own gift-giving values, I asked others to consider not giving me gifts or at least giving me less, not just during the holidays but for my birthday as well. I am an unintentional hoarder and tend to be a magnet for stuff, no matter how many boxes I send to the thrift shop. For some people, the notion of not giving gifts is neither possible nor desirable. My family and friends have made a noticeable effort with my requests. One of my dearest friends, Cana, has always been a gifted giver. She is the person that sends a follow-up note after casual get-togethers. One year, she painted a beautiful acrylic painting of a tarantula with a Gerber daisy, two of my favorite things. She collected coupons to a home supply store when I bought a house and arranged a trip to a Serpentarium (it is exactly what it sounds like) for my birthday this year. Not everyone can be Cana, though... especially me. I have to be purposefully thoughtful and time management or planning ahead are just not my fortes.

I do not know what the right response is to what the holidays have become; that answer will be different for every person. I think most people can agree that emphasis on the sentiment of the season is preferable to the feeling of obligation to spend outrageous amounts of money on temporal things. There is a viral video going around by Advent Conspiracy, challenging people to think about this time of year in a different way. The video claims that "Americans spend $450 billion on Christmas EVERY YEAR... lack of clean water kills more people every day than anything else and... the estimated cost to make clean water available to everyone is $10 billion." Just another perspective, as I consider yet again what in the world I am going to give this year...

Previously published in my opinion column ("Small Action, Big Change") in The Badger.