The Disadvantages of Rewarding Good Behavior with Gifts

Two five year old children place a tooth under their pillows, confident that the next morning they will each find untold riches. One wakes to find a crisp new five dollar bill, the other finds a quarter.

Two young children gaze longingly into the toy store window dreaming of the gifts they will find on Christmas morning. One child wakes to find all manner of electronic gadgets, clothes and more toys than they will be able to play with in a year. The other child finds sturdy clothes, sensible shoes and underclothes.

Easter morning one child has toys and candy and new clothes waiting for them. Another child finds nothing and wonders how she had been bad enough to make the Easter Bunny not visit her house.

Throughout the year our children are encouraged to be good with the promise of some great reward. What happened to teaching our children to be good for it's own sake? Children do not need to be rewarded for doing what is expected of them; nor do they need the frustrtion of trying to figure out why their friend gets more and better presents. Adults understand the separation of classes, but it's a concept beyond the capabilities of a small child. The child from the lower end will always feel the inferiorty of not being good enough. They may not understand that the deficit is of the parents until after the emotional damage is done.

Aside from teaching our children that oftentimes their best will never be good enough, we are teaching them that sometimes it is all right to lie. There is no jolly old man in a red suit that brings 'good' children presents. There is no fairy that mysterously puts money under a child's pillow at night. There is no rabbit that leaves candy and eggs for good little boys and girls on Easter morning. These are lies. No matter how they are turned or twisted to fit into today's soceity, they are still lies. We demand truth, honesty and respect from our children; should they not have the same right to expect no less from us?

By continuing these lies to our children, we are teaching them that not only is it acceptable to lie, but we are laying the groundwork for future prejudice. One child doesn't have numerous expensive presents bestowed upon them so they must not be 'good' enough. Another child receives no presents at all because of religous beliefs so that child, too must not be 'good' enough. Children should learn goodness comes from inside a person and not from material possessions.

Children learn what they live. Honesty and integrity should be what they live everyday.