The Disappearing Lovebug

The story is common. The punchline is predictable, however, the characters are different. Men and women alike have fallen prey to what they feel is 'enlightenment.' Finally, they know the truth about the opposite sex, right? And they believe they are the only one in this entire world who seems to have discovered this much debated topic. The answer, they say, is to run. Boyfriend not giving her enough attention? She runs. Girlfriend not moving fast enough? He runs. Whatever their reason for hitting the highway, they did it and in many cases, if you research their past, you will find that they are repeat runners.

So, what is really going on with them? Why do they abandon their relationship when trouble or responsibility knocks at the door? Well, the answer can come in two parts. First, they prefer leaving simply because they have never really learned to deal with the stress of life. Many men and women alike love to live in the fairytale of 'happily ever after,' but when the TV goes off and reality sets in, they go away to escape it. Maybe their parents didn't do well in this arena or maybe this is a defense mechanism that they have adapted in an attempt to protect themselves, but face it: They are not strong enough to endure the trials and tribulations that life throws at them. Another reason is....well, there are people out there who believe they can bring joy to a miserable man or woman. Is that you? What this means is, sometimes, we may see a person that has some good qualities, but has some pretty bad ones as well. We may become mesmerized by this person's eyes, voice, personality, or material possessions. Then that thought comes up, "This person is really a good person. It's just that he/she has been hurt so much in his/her life. I am going to love all of that pain out of him/her and we will live happily ever after." This stage of your thinking can be affectionately referred to as the 'inactive volcano' stage. At this point, we know so little about our intended partner that we fill in the blanks with what we want from them. Even after many get to really know their partners, they continue to believe that somehow, someday, there will be a breakthrough that causes them to be the person in which they envisioned. Reality: You do not buy a car that is not working because you do not know the extent of damage that has been done to it. The car's body, while it may look good, will not cause the car to run. It will cost you a lot to get that baby on the highway. Sometimes more than it would cost to simply go out and take a new or barely used one. Relationships are the same. It may sound harsh, but stop trying to repair damaged goods.

In some cases, the abandoning personality may believe that somehow, somewhere there is someone out there that is better suited for them and they have run from several relationships in search of this Mr. or Ms. Right. They can better be compared to the bumble bee, traveling from flower to flower, pollinating each one. They have convinced themselves that their actions are productive ones, promising to produce this character that they've been waiting for. Guess what? You may not be better suited for them and neither were the ones that he/she left before you. But, are you the problem? Probably not. Characters that live the 'get up and run' type of lifestyle generally move pretty fast in relationships. They may proclaim their love for you on week one and by week four, they are sure you are the one they want to spend their life with. Now, during your sudden engagement, at some point in time, they came out of dream mode, realized the glass slipper did not fit your feet and they ran away. While you may be angry with this person, you shouldn't be. It is a way of life for them and rather than challenge it, you embraced it. People that fall in love easily tend to fall out of love just as fast....or, they fall in love with others just as easily.

That brings us to the grasshopper. This is the more complex of the runners because these individuals tend to jump from one lover to the next. During the beginning of the relationship, they tend to fall hard and can be very faithful, seemingly loving, giving and charming. But, once the volcano of life erupts and your imperfections are manifest, they seek someone else so they can continue life in the honeymoon stage. Are they horrible people that should be quarantined to protect society from their instability? Only if those that accept them are quarantined as well.

Last, but not least, there is the roach. This character is loving in the dark, but when the light of responsibility comes on, they scatter. Maybe you started mentioning the 'm' word or a new baby came into the picture. No matter what brought responsibility their way, they ran away.

All of these characters have a common denominator: fear. And in many cases, selfishness. Mix that up with a little pride and no foundation of faith and what you have is an unstable individual who has him/herself fooled. But, crying, fighting, slandering, stalking or just plain loving these individuals will not cause a change in them. They are just as much of a victim of their own foolishness as you are. You just have to choose:
Option A: Take them as they are and stop lying to yourself.
Option B: Allow them to victimize someone else.

Yes, you may love them now, but, God loved them first. Did they change for Him? Well, who are you that your love will cause such a shift in their reality? Sometimes, we have to break up with our old selves and embrace a new way of thinking so that we can make better choices and stop allowing foolishness to poison us into believing that we have the answer to someone else's problems.

Take your time and discover you. Date yourself and learn what is it you like. When meeting others, you must realize that the dating game is never won when you choose the wrong answer. You may date much, but you will marry just one of them. (Hopefully.) That means, just because someone is of the opposite sex does not mean they are your husband or your wife. That only makes them anatomically correct. Patience is a virtue. Marrying the wrong woman does not change her, it only changes her last name and marrying the wrong man does not change him, it only changes his status, but not his heart.

Evaluate, pray about, and take your time to know the people that come into your life. Stop wondering if this is the one and start believing that the one is coming. The one in your face may be a distraction, keeping you away from the love of your life, but if you are wise, you will close your eyes and open your ears. Listen. You will almost always hear the clues.