The Dissing

I got dissed, quit, let go, fired, and cancelled. And, within my cockiness and idea that I am every woman, I completely understand. I'll give a Reader's Digest version of the relationship for background purposes. I met him. We were both cute. So, we started dating. Took our time and drove slowly. It was fun. It kind of reminded me of freshmen year.

But, I had signs. He was still hooked on his ex. She came up in many conversations, but 80 percent of the time in a negative light so I figured it was over. She had a tribe of kids, never had any money, messed with his friends, didn't work, always needed attention ... totally draining ... blah, blah, blah. Plus, whenever we went out and if she saw us, I got the ninth grade gas face from her. It was hilarious but I loved it.

The next sign was that he lived with his parents. That pretty much means he doesn't like change and/or has a fear of it. This is where my independence and cockiness probably hurt me. I live on my own and have been since I was seventeen years old. I have two degrees. I have lived in more than six cities and I believe in myself. I have the heart of a lion and just know I can fly if I put my mind to it.

And, my sweet beau never left his hometown, dislikes his job, and pretty much has a circle of friends who are all in the same boat. I never stood a chance. I was an outcast of what was comfortable for him.

And I have tried to blame her. I have tried every way to be mad at her. I've told myself she was vindictive, conniving, a user, a hater, and she is all those things, but he allowed it. He actually needed it. There is no way I could have become the needy woman he needed. Unfortunately, subconsciously, I believe I made him feel less of a man. Or, he just didn't like me...

Therefore, when I got the call and he told me he was leaving me for his ex. I totally understood. It made sense. She needed him. I wanted him. Those are two variant actions. She needed him for money, rides, someone to help her take care of her children. She was competing for her livelihood. And, I just wanted to love him and competing for the intangible.