The Domesticated Father

There is nothing more emasculating than to come home and inform your wife that you were recently laid off from work. Whether this lay off is due to business closure, cut backs in staffing and company downsizing, or a restructuring of business needs, the reality that your wife now becomes the sole bread winner in your family has you reeling with frustration. Add to this frustration a newborn baby girl that you have to provide 95% of the care (especially if your wife had undergone a C-Section and depends upon you for meeting her needs). The reality that you are now the domesticated partner in the home, your wife is going out to work to earn the family income, settles in. Ask any mother and she will tell you, being a stay-at-home parent is no easy task.

As you attempt to figure out baby's sleep schedule, timing how to accomplish all the household chores, ensuring that dinner is on the table for all to partake of, and juggling employment search requirements for unemployment benefits, you begin to wonder if there is a hidden camera in your home and the eyes of every woman are glued to watching the newest webcam reality show of you as the stay-at-home father. Where do you turn to for advice? Who do you ask for help? How in the world are you going to be able to hold baby in one arm, while using the other hand to do majority of the tasks?

Forget it; there is no How to be a Stay-at-Home Dad guidebook. Do not bother looking for Stay-At-Home Fatherhood for Dummies on Amazon.com. So, where does a desperate father turn to? The answer is very simple. What follows are a sample of things that may help the befuddled father sort through better understand what to expect. These five steps are not an exact science, however are presented as suggestions to those men who find themselves in the unique role of being the domesticated parent.

1) Ask your wife

The very first person you should openly discuss your new role with is your wife. This is important on two levels. One, parenting is typically successful when both parents are in harmony with one another as to how the child will be raised, disciplined, and taught. Secondly, if your wife had the privilege of being a stay-at-home parent with your other children, she has already established particular routines. Her advice and suggestions well help you out in understanding the nature of your new role.

2) Ask your mother.

As men, when we typically have problems, we tend to go to our buddies, and if we have a good relationship with our father, we tend to go to our father's for advice. So, why not go to your own mother for advice on how she was able to make it every day as a stay-at-home parent.

3) Ask your Grandmother.

A third possibly would be (and if she is still living) is your grandmother. Most grandmothers have had to raise our parents by themselves as stay-at-home mothers. Several benefits in seeking advice from your grandmother are how she had to manage and care for the house. Home cooked soup recipes, canning tips, laundry secrets, and many other practical advices in our society today.

4) Read and Subscribe

You know those parenting and baby magazines your wife had subscribed to? The Better Homes and Gardenmagazine your mother used to read? It would not hurt to pick up a couple of those magazines and read some of the articles. Granted, many of the articles are geared toward women, the advice is practical for the stay-at-home father. Even in our technological driven society today, one can instantly access innumerable information within a few keyword searches.

5) Trial and Error

Life is a classroom where we make mistakes, learn from those mistakes, and progress in knowledge. And, with any type of classroom, we learn by trial and error. What one idea may work for your friend's family may not work for you. Because of this, as a stay-at-home daddy, you have to allow yourself room to grow in patience, understanding, and the ability to multi-task in ways you never thought possible.

Throughout all of this, one very important concept to remember is the ability to openly and honestly communicate with your spouse. Let her know that you are having a frustrating day with the child. Let her know how the child is doing, what the child is doing. Keep a journal about your interactions with baby, noting all the milestones your son/daughter is making. And, above all else, realize that while there is an increase in fathers being home and raising the kids, you are still in a minority group where the traditional expectation is of the mother to stay home and raise the children - even when she has decided to forgo her role as the domestic goddess of the home and earn a paycheck.

Besides, while there are no pay raises, 401k plan contributions, a pay check, or even a simple gratitude of thanks, the most rewarding part of being a stay-at-home father is the ability to release the inner child you had imprison. The additional benefits are, no traffic congestion, paperwork to complete, deadlines to make, and a boss who likes to talk at a very high volume so that everyone can hear him. Even the savings in day care costs will not break open the piggy bank beyond its already limited funds.