The Double Edged Sword of Perfectionism

We all want to do great things in life, but some of us are more driven than others to push for perfection. The idea of perfection is attractive, but not realistic for anyone. We are only human, after all. There is no such thing as "perfect." We can and do make mistakes, big and small, that is within our right as human beings. Trying to attain perfection is a losing battle because it sets us up for a huge letdown when we don't achieve it.

There is a thin line between striving to succeed and perfectionism. It's like an athlete who wants to make it to the Olympics. He trains day in and day out, to become an accomplished competitor. He focuses himself on the goal and goes for it. There is nothing wrong with this, as long as the quality of his life is high and he is feeling good about himself. The problem with perfectionism is when you work so hard to be perfect, that it makes life frustrating, disappointing and highly unpleasant. If the quality of your life is poor and you feel badly about yourself, it is time to rethink your overly high expectations and cut yourself a break.

Coming from a long line of reformed perfectionists, the subject is very familiar to me. My father is an accomplished architect and ex-Naval photographer, who has made a great life by discipline and high standards for himself. His stressful corporate jobs were always meticulous and yet he spent long hours in the office, working to be the best architect he could be. He knew that his work needed to be accurate and precise, but learned through the years not to be too hard on himself if he made a mistake every once in awhile. His work has always been of top quality, and what amazes me the most about him is how he can keep his high standards without getting upset. He told me that it takes patience and a lot of practise to achieve what you want, and expect to make mistakes along the way. By thinking this way, he is grounded, stable and he lives a happy life.

As an artist, my perfectionism usually shows itself when doing my drawings. If I have to erase the same part of a drawing more than twice, it really gets on my nerves at times. My frustration level goes up when things don't work out exactly as planned. Unlike my dad, patience is something that still defies me, but I'm working on it. A therapist once told me to deliberately make a minor mistake on something, just to let myself realize that the world doesn't end when it happens. It was hard to do, but it taught me that my overly uptight and rigid standards were dragging me down. Now, whenever I feel myself stiffening up and getting frustrated, I stop, gather my thoughts and think "That's the perfectionism nagging at me." Identifying it, acknowledging it and letting it go has somehow taken the internal pressure off of myself. My challenge is to identify when perfectionism is at work, so I can then deal with it. Some people automatically know how to regulate their expectations, like my father. It is a enviable skill to have.

If perfectionism gets you down at times, remember that you are only human. Do your best and stop beating yourself up for making mistakes or not doing as well at something as you'd hoped. It's OK to have high standards, just make sure that they are realistic and attainable to avoid frustration and unhappiness. Learn from your mistakes, instead. Use them as a positive way of improving your techniques and realise that you are a valuable person, whether or not you win a contest or do a project flawlessly. Go for it, but be good to yourself for the most satisfying overall results in the end.