The Drama Queen

Love it or loathe it, what is commonly referred to as 'drama' seems to pervade the world of females. Much of us claim to avoid it whenever possible. Some of us are more adept at it than others. Regardless of how much of this phenomenon one escapes, there is always a lingering vestige of all things dramatic....The Drama Queen. You know who she is. It's that friend of yours who never seems to have a dull moment, and I don't mean that in a positive way. She's constantly stirring the pot, embroiled in a conflict, or involved with a major personal crisis. What is so remarkable about The Drama Queen is that you-the innocent bystander friend-inevitably find yourself at the center of her controversy. It's an emotionally draining process.

Certain individuals thrive on drama. Whether they actively seek it or just have bad luck, they cannot escape it. Some people actually enjoy being in the middle of a scandal. Usually though, those types rarely find themselves faced with anything more serious than juvenile he said/she said antics. Things become problematic when The Drama Queen's issues act as the focal point of a friendship. At this point it is no longer a friendly, symbiotic relationship between two people who enjoy each other's company. When a person constantly is thrust in the middle of The Drama Queen's tumultuous storm, it is no healthy.

So why do we each find ourselves with The Drama Queen in our lives? Is there a certain allure of living vicariously through somebody else's issues or constantly coming to the rescue? Or is it like a train wreck from which we cannot avert our eyes? The answer is different for everyone. I believe that it is important to periodically access the friendship with The Drama Queen to see if it is worth the hassle. Here are some things to consider:

First, what is the exact nature of the drama? If it is relatively innocuous, you are probably just dealing with a person who likes the spotlight. Chances are they may not even realize they are doing it because it is encoded in our feminine DNA to gossip to a certain extent. With this type of person there is a choice between letting it slide or gently telling her that you want to see a calmer front. When The Drama Queen's conflicts involve things or people that are dangerous, illegal, and unpredictable you put yourself at a risk by getting immersed in the situation.

Next, what are you getting out of the friendship? Surely there is a reason you liked this person in the first place. Maybe they weren't always The Drama Queen. You need to rediscover-if possible-that friend you once saw. Does The Drama Queen make treat you with respect and fulfill all the roles expected within a friendship? Can you honestly say that you enjoy her company in lieu of the drama? If you cannot see any friendship beyond the theatrics that inextricably link you two then it is time to move forward.

And finally, have things become toxic? Everyone knows their personal threshold for when a relationship becomes unhealthy. It is critical that you terminate anything that does you more harm than good, although this is easier said than done. In my experience, if you can see that your life without The Drama Queen would remain relatively unaffected, that's a major sign that you are better without. Other factors contributing to the possibly toxicity include the effort you put forth versus what you gain and also the toll her life takes on you. With a particular Drama Queen I had in my life, I stayed up many sleepless nights with stomach cramps due to worry and stress I took on through her. That is completely unacceptable. Of course we all worry about our friends if they are experiencing something traumatic, but when these occurrences are weekly it is just too much. Feeling so much anxiety because of somebody else despite all of your best efforts to help them is endlessly frustrating. It is especially detrimental if your other friends and family have noticed the effect The Drama Queen has on you.

In conclusion, I would like to say a few words to The Drama Queens that may be reading this. I recognize that there are certain mitigating circumstances that make your drama inevitable. As I mentioned earlier sometimes people just have poor luck or have gotten in over their heads. Very few people would wish upon themselves never ending problems of significant magnitude. But it is important to remember that your constant drama directly impacts the life of your friends. Don't drag others into your business or make them feel uncomfortable. It is okay to ask for help if you need it-especially in an emergency-but make room for contingency plans so one person is not constantly burdened. Also, do not repeatedly ask your friends for advice that you never follow. It is insulting and shows a blatant disregard for a friend trying to help. The last thing I wish to say is that if somebody calls you out on your behavior, try not to behave in a way that enforces the fact that you are indeed The Drama Queen. Act rationally, like an adult, and work towards a solution. Take a moment to stop speaking and listen. With a little-healthy-help from your friends many things can move towards resolution.