The Dreaded "N" Word

As far back as I can remember my momma always told me never to use the "N" word or I would get into a heap of trouble. Her words are as fresh with me to this day as they were thirty years ago.

Today I'm now telling my kids if they use the "N" word they're going to find themselves in the corner or at a desk writing 100 times why they shouldn't use this dreaded word. We are constantly reminding our little ones not to use that word because it will hurt them in the long run when they are grown and on their own.

But for some reason I started thinking about this dreaded word and came up with acceptable ways it can be used.

Now we all know when mom or dad tells us to take a bath or finish our lima beans that we should never use the nasty "N" word "NO". Or when a boss informs us that we have to work overtime to complete a hot job you better damn well be sure not to use "NO" when replying back.

With that said here are Five ways that are acceptable to use the "N" word;

When the guy at school with the three nostrils and mullet asks you out. This is definitely a time you can reply back with a resounding "NO". This will generally work with most guys but some will continue to ask and won't accept "NO" for an answer. In this case one can add an "F" to the "N" and use the dreaded "FN" word for more emphasis.

When that lazy, pot smoking bum that works for you asks for a raise. When this happens you can again answer with a resounding "NO" or even a long, drawn out "Nooooooope." She will probably threaten to quit, but this is a risk you will have to take not to lose such a glorious and hard working person.

When your best bud tells you about the three foot, large mouth bass he caught in the creek behind his house. When you are put in this situation and your friend even produces a Photoshop enhanced picture of the catch you can respond with a very sarcastic "No way." Make sure you smile your biggest smile when you say this.

When your girlfriends ask you how many times you "put out" for your husband in the past week. You can simply respond with, "Notta". Plain and simple. It's none of their business and there is no need to hurt your hubby's ego if it has been a Notta. Try to refrain from this "N" word when your husband asks for you to "put out". Just a tip.

When you are a celebrity and you are talking to your son on national TV. When your son asks how you feel about his new girlfriend you should refrain from saying what you really think and just say, "She's Nice." This "N" word will keep the media hounds off your behind, life will be good, and you will be able to keep your hit show.Now these are just some of the acceptable ways to use the "N" word, but there are others. If one is feeling fancy they can even use the following "N" words from different languages:

Nein This is German for "no". Use this when you want to put more emphasis into your "no." Include a German accent to further enhance.

Non This is the Italian way to say "no". One just has to picture the God Father when saying it this way and all will go your way.

Nr Dutch for "no". I don't know much about the Dutch so I'm just going to put it out there for anyone to use. Although it could raise an eyebrow when someone asks if you are done with their project and you respond with "Nrrrrrrr."Anyway, hope this helps straighten things out about the "N" word. Now we can all begin to use it correctly and get along with one another.