The Dumbest Football Movie Ever

I hate the phrase "more information than I needed to know," or in text language, [mor info thN 2no]. In the first place I can't imagine not wanting to know something that a fellow human being is wanting to share - most of the time, anyway. In the second place, that phrase is a boring and overused cliche.

I know a couple who I see often at a favorite watering hole. A neighborhood bar, it's like an extended living room and lots of the near by neighbors are usually there.

This particular couple I had begun to become afraid to talk to because they use that [mor info thN 2no] phrase. I really didn't know what I could say to them to escape from having those words fall upon my ears again. The overused phrase that wasn't funny anymore hit my eardrums like scratches on the blackboard of life.

Here's the backdrop for the worst [mor info thN 2no] incident - doh:

I had brought home a video that accidentally got onto the shelves of the library foundation where I volunteer. From the description on the package, the movie was about the pro football social circuit. I thought, "OK - what the heck?" and bought it for a dollar, thinking someday, on a lazy afternoon, when friends drop by to visit, we could watch it. That weekend came to pass, and I put the movie on for entertainment.

The movie wasn't OK, though.

Completely devoid of a story line, the action from start to finish could only be described as bazaar. Comprised of nothing more than a simple chain link of one unrelated scene to another the activities made no sense whatsoever. Several party scenes changed locations from the football field to the stadium tiers; and a there was different one in the locker room.

The only thing that tied the movie together was a singular football player who appeared in the most unexpected scenes wearing nothing but a football jersey. Everybody else was wearing their clothes.

Dangling from underneath the football jersey was an anatomical part that looked as if it should have been on a horse - wait. Let me take that back - an elephant.

Partially camouflaged by the jersey, the dangling thing wasn't all that noticeable once the surprise wore off. As a matter of fact, it turned out to be one of those comedic redundant scenarios that I couldn't help laughing about.

The bottomless guy kept appearing in all of the miscellaneous scenes I described earlier. He would just kind of show up, walk around in his football jersey and then exit. Nothing ever happened to explain his behavior, and the other actors seemed to be oblivious to his absence of clothing.

In any event, whatever his function in the movie was about, every time he appeared on the screen, all the guy visitors would say whoa - look at that, unreal, or . . . well, you can imagine the string of comments.

I know that size makes a difference to some women, but I believe it's merely an issue about nerve endings or something biophysical. Mostly, I think it more often makes a difference to men.

By the nth time this bottomless, football jersey dude made an appearance and the guys made their rambling statements - I was cracking up and ready to fall off of my chair. So were the other women. The redundancy of the age old, worn out question of "does-size-make-a-difference?" had become a farce.

Anyway, back to the extended living room tavern and the [mor info thN 2no] couple:

One day after the big movie debut, I was in the neighborhood tavern, and had had a few beers. The [mor info thN 2no] couple came in and sat down nearby. By now, whenever they were around, I would begin to squirm with discomfort. Whenever that happens, it's not unusual for the totally inappropriate words come to mind.

So what do I end up doing? I think of telling them about this ridiculous movie and the guy with the football jersey. Both of them being into foot ball, I immediately caught their attention. I got a GREAT BIG [mor info thN 2no.] reply.

I just can't imagine why everyone else in that place talks about whatever X rated subject they want to bring up, and I keep getting censured with and by [mor info thN 2no.]

Usually if someone doesn't like what someone else brings to the table, they just clobber the source on the head. Message taken, move on to a different topic. It's so much more warm blooded than a [mor info thN 2no.]

I hate the phrase, [mor info thN 2no.], and I'm beginning to hate that [mor info thN 2no] football couple almost as much - [I h8em] (I hate them.)