The Early Bird Does Nothing but Make Me Angry

It wasn't until today that I ever really put any thought into the saying The Early Bird Catches the Worm. I probably said it or complained about others being up early but today I dwelled upon it. You see, for the first time this year I slept with the window open because it was actually warm enough to. I went to bed around my usual 1 or 2 a.m. and thought all was well. Then at 4:30, that early bird was out looking for that worm, literally. From all accounts there must have been very few to go around as the birds were chirping and squawking like kids during eighth period of the last day of school. I couldn't take it. I was too lazy and tired to get up and close the window but yet too awake to go back asleep. All I could think about was why those darn birds would get up so cotton picking early.

Literally, why do birds catch more worms in the morning? Anyone who has ever gone night crawler picking can tell you the best worms come out late at night, in the dark. Sure, after the rain you can find those scraggly little worms struggling on the sidewalk or in the parking lot, but wouldn't a bird rather have one of those big fat juicy night crawlers? And I don't want to hear anything about its too dark out. I live in the city, it is never that dark. Birds have great hearing and good eyes, if they can't find a night crawler in my yard without using a flashlight then maybe they don't deserve any worms.

Figuratively, why does anyone need to be up that stinking early? I know there are the hunters, fisherman, and day after Thanksgiving shoppers that see 3 or 4 a.m. as prime rise and shine time, but I do not. Anyway, those are special occasions and I think the saying meant you need to do it every day, get up early that is. Yes, back in the 1800's when there wasn't electricity or headlights or neon billboards lighting the sky there was probably some need to arise early and maximize the daylight. However, this is no longer the case. With all the technology, 24 hour shopping and eating, after dark movies and unnatural lighting, there is no longer a reason to get up so early. Besides, the grass is wet in the summer or the streets aren't plowed yet in the winter, why go through that hassle when you can just sleep in. Oh, and for anyone who would classify themselves in the senior division, this goes for you to. My dad being one of these, people who think 4:30 is a natural time to get out of bed. You know why you think getting up before dawn everyday is good? It's because you go to bed at six o'clock at night! There is no reason to have supper at 4 and think staying up late equals the start of prime time television. You can get the same number of hours of sleep, you can walk in the evenings to avoid the day time heat, and you can even see the Powerball numbers that same night rather than having to go to the gas station the next day to see if you won. Go to bed later and you won't need to be outside mowing the lawn and waking up the rest of us so early.

I am sure there was a time when the old cliché The Early Bird Catches the Worm actually made a lot of sense. It doesn't any longer. Like many other things this saying is practically obsolete and I would like to begin the movement to stricken it from our vernacular. I don't care how you look at it, literally or figuratively, it is a worn out saying and more importantly a bold face lie.