The Effects of Middle Child Syndrome
Always Stuck in the Middle
Middle child syndrome is very real. I know because I live it on a daily basis. The middle child often feels that they don't belong. The first-born sibling is put on a pedestal and the youngest sibling gets away with the most. The middle child is just - there. There are the least number of pictures of the middle child and the middle child has to work harder in order to be noticed.
Some studies say that middle children do not like to take the limelight and that they are not overachievers. I have found this theory to be false. As a middle child, I was always an overachiever in everything I did and I craved attention. I pushed myself extremely hard and had to excel in everything I did so my parents would notice me. Even if they didn't, others would congratulate me and reward me for my accomplishments.
Middle children tend to be very creative and artistic. I have found this to be true in my situation. I have always been gifted with a musical talent that I embraced as a child. I used my talent and excelled in all musical aspects in school. Music was the one area in my life where I was secure. I knew that I was good and music became my safe haven. Even though I excelled in this area, I still wasn't good enough to earn the acceptance of my parents. My older sibling's activities and my younger sibling's lack of interest in activities is what they focused their attention on.
Even as adults, things have not changed. My younger sibling and I went through a divorce at the same time. My parents depended on me to help my younger sibling and they were so focused on his problems, they forgot that I was going through the same thing.
Out of the three of us children, I am by far the most independent. My siblings live within five minutes of my parents. I live over half an hour away. I used to live in the same town as my parents but I needed to get away and get some distance. It was just too hard knowing how much they did for my siblings when I was right there as well.
My mother and oldest sibling will often do things together, in the town where I live, and they don't include me. It hurts a lot. I keep asking myself, "When will I matter? When will I ever measure up to my siblings?" Even after almost 40 years, I still have hope that maybe someday I will fit in and belong.
Most parents are not willing to admit that they show favoritism among their children. The fact is almost every parent with two or more children are guilty of showing favoritism. Parents tend to favor the child that is most like them. One of the best things a parent can do for their children is to celebrate what they love about each child. Listen to the needs of each child and treat them all the same. Parents should also never compare siblings to each other. Parents need to reward and treat their accomplishments individually.
Parents should get their children involved in different activities. This way each child has a chance to shine individually and they also will each have their own group of friends.
Parents need to go out of their way to make sure their middle child is not feeling neglected. The middle child's thoughts, opinions and needs are just as important as the other children in the family.
Published by WD
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220 Comments
Post a CommentEverything is true.
And the photo thing is so true.
I stumbled upon this after a hard day of watching all of my sisters get praise and blending in with the background. This article is extremely true. I am an under achiever though, only because i have accepted I am the least recognized by my family. Although, I still have hope that this will change. I am 15 years old and i don't want to have to feel this way for the rest of my life. How do i get this point across to my parents in a way that they can truly see where I am coming from?
Felt happy to read this article. I am too a middle child and i feel the same way. I know my parents love me and they worked hard for the three of us but i just can't help but feel that I am unnoticed and less important. We're all girls so we share clothes and other stuff. But my two sisters always gets what they want. Form cellpones to paying attention to details of my older sisters wedding to buying new car and moving to her new crib. All the way my parents has been there for her. On my wedding prep I did evertything they did'nt even bother to ask my two sisters to help me out and when i moved to my new house not once that my mom check if our room is well design and some other stuff. My mom was so into my sisters new house. On sundays they don't bother calling me earlier so i can join our family dinner but when my older sister is out they make sure to call her. My heart is full of pain right now i want to undertand the situation but it hurts me really bad. Is there any way that can ease the pain? Hope one day I'll understand!
The author says that the middle child usually feels left out. I find that extremely true. I am the middle child of 3 girls. I can say that I do feel left out, unincluded, and sometimes even unwanted. my older sister and my younger sister have very similar personalities, and throughout my life, they would always spend time with eachother and wouldn't include me. My younger sister is 15 months younger than me, so many of our friends associated with eachother. She never wanted me to speak with any of them and did not want me going to any of the parties. My older sister is 3 years older than me, and not once did she ever want to include me with anything. I do feel that my younger sister gets away with the most, but everyones' family is different. The author also writes that the middle child is the most creative- I find that true too. I was always the deepest thinker and always had an idea for everything when my other sisters didn't. Even though I find many of these theries true, my whole life has not always been upsetting or emotional. There were times when I would get along with my sisters, and every once in a while they would include me in their activites.
after seeing this, i feel happy that there are more people suffering from the feeling of not being loved or unimportance, I too am a middle child that feels unloved, and i also play the clarinet, i am much better than i expected than i would be because i practice to relax myself and get away from all the drama in the house, i really do like school better than home because i do not wish to be ignored by my dad and interuppted in the middle of a sentence by my mom. I do not feel as i will be of any importance to my parents. my mom also does do stuff with my older brother that i love right in front of me, and buys many things for my little and big brother (cell phone, television, etc.) while i have the same stuff from 2003 that don't work now. I feel that they celebrate my both of my brother's birthdays better than mine, last year i had to buy my own birthday cake, words can't describe how i feel about that or about the time i couldn't go to the 8th grade field trip with m
I can relate to your plight on so many levels! It might be all in our heads, but I have constatnly strived to attain the attention and praise from my parents that my other siblings have garnered.
This post was very heartfelt and well written! Thanks for sharing it!
Hi I am a middle child and I think that his syndrome is a load of rubbish, no offense to anyone who feels it. But personally I think half the time these syndromes are just an excuse for people to feel bad for themselves. You are in control of your own life and responsible for your happiness. Stop being a victim!
I am torn. i always feel lonely, evn though i have plenty of friends, im worried f others approval and acceptance. And i want to not care, and i try but it doesnt work. Also i kno my parents love me, but it feels like im independent and always on my own to figur eout things for myself. Im 14 and mature for my age...and i kno i always have to be the responsible one, evr1 depends on me when thy need something...they ask me to do this for them help them with this-i feel like they dont appreciate me. Its so dissapointing. Its the night before my little sisters project is due -so i pratically do the whole thing for her-she gets a 100% my mom shows it off to evr1 saying how artistic my little sister is-evn though i did it!!!! i feel like i overreact and am sensitive to......i dont kno why...i get irritaed with people easily but dont hold a grudge..i spend alot of time thinking...and feeling loneley even though i kno im not alone. I dont know...i just want to be happy, and feel as though i ca
Im the middle of five, and my mom is always saying how great my siblings are, and shes always pointing out my mistakes and faults. although i work ten times as hard, and have (Not meaning to brag) a lot more talent than them, my parents still like them more than me. when something is whong with my siblings, my parents keep trying to find out what's wrong. when something's wrong with me, they don't give a crap.
i just wanted to know if i was going crazy or not. i am the middle child and feel this every day. it is hard because even when my brothers harasses me i am still the one to get into trouble. it is obvious that i am the one who is least liked and they dont care. they go to all my brothers activeties but when i have one they say :" I dont have time". But now i know it is real.