The Effects of Video Gaming on Relationships

Playing video games is okay, once in a while, but when it seems that a person plans their day around game time, it can really put a strain on a relationship.

My husband enjoys his video games. I don't mind him playing them once in a while, but when he gets into one of his moods, and plays the games almost continually for weeks at a time, it really bothers me. I feel like I cease to exist in his mind. I feel that during his bouts of gaming, nothing in our home exists once he turns on the game.

He gets up and goes to work each day. He does his best to financially care for us, his family. He even comes home from work and occasionally cooks dinner for us. He is a great guy. From the outside, looking in, most people would think that all is well and great in our household. What no one else sees is the strain that is being put on our relationship from his video game playing.

A typical day in our household, when he is in one of his gaming moods, goes like this. Wake up by 6:30 a.m., he goes to work, I get the kids ready for school. At 7:30 a.m., I am on my way to start my day. I drop the kids off, and then go to work myself. I pick the kids up after school, bring them home. We do homework and house-cleaning, and most of the time, I start dinner.

My husband returns home from work anytime between noon and 6:00 p.m. It all depends on the weather that day, and how much work needs to be done. If he gets home earlier, I can normally convince him to do the cooking that evening while I try to get other work done around the house and on my computer.

Once dinner is eaten, and things put away, when he is in one of his gaming moods, the game is turned on. Now, we eat dinner around 5:30 p.m. most evenings. So, by 5:45p.m., the game is turned on. He sits in front of the television, with controller in hand, playing his game.

After an hour or so, I usually make a comment about maybe relaxing and watching something on television. He will make some reply to the tune of, "in a minute", or "let me finish this part". Well, one time turns into another and another until it is late, I am now too tired to care about watching television, my eyes are fatigued from working on things at my computer, and I am irritated once more that he has managed to play the game for the better part of 5 or 6 hours. I go to bed, feeling tired and grumpy, alone. I am not sure what time it is when he finally decides to join me, but I am sure it is late. I wake up the next day with the hope that his interests that day when he gets home from work will be of something other than the video game.

The weekend comes, I work for a few hours on Saturday, and when I come home, there he is, already sitting in front of the television set with his controller in hand. It isn't even noon! I give a sigh, and retreat to my computer. I diligently work on this and that, until I become a bit bored. Then, I move on to cooking and cleaning. Hours pass, and he is still playing, so I get back on my computer, or play a game with the kids. Later, when he walks away from it briefly to get a drink or something, I will go over and turn the television on. I turn on something that the kids want to watch because I know they haven't been able to have television time all day. I managed to get my husband away from the game for a little while at least, but I know he will return to it once the kids lose interest in the show they are watching.

Saturday night, it is late, and just like the rest of the week, I go to bed alone, grumpy, and tired. The next morning begins much the same. He is on the game for hours on end, and I fail to exist while he is in his little gaming world.

I think to myself, surely, this phase will end soon. I have dealt with it many times before. Normally, it lasts a few weeks, and then he takes a break from it for a while. By then, I feel like we have to find each other all over again. I do not feel intimate, I feel like I now exist because his game lost its enticement for him. I have gotten used to falling asleep alone, and now find it hard to fall asleep with him by my side. I am so used to working long hours on my computer and playing with the kids, I find myself now excluding him and in essence ignoring him. I do not mean to do this, but it has become a habit to just let him be.

We argue. He says I ignore him, I try to tell him that he was ignoring me. We go back and forth for a while. Not really fighting, but not gaining any ground either. He is upset because I have not been including him, I am upset because I feel like he wants my attention only when it is convenient and he isn't playing a game.

The effects of gaming on my relationship have not been good. I feel like we lose interest in each other to a point. I love him, but I am so used to him just doing his own thing, I become accustomed to my own routine and to doing things without him. I often tell myself to quit getting angry and upset. At least he is at home and not out drinking and such. For that, I am grateful. I do not begrudge him a bit of time playing his game, I only wish he would play less and do more things with the family.

From his point of view, he believes that he works hard all day, and he deserves to be able to come home and relax in any way he wants to. He thinks that since he is in the house, he is not hurting anyone. He could be like some of his friends and go running to the bar after work to relax. In his mind, he is being very considerate of his family by sitting at home, playing his games rather than running around with friends. He feels that if I really wanted him to go to bed with me at night, I would wait up for him. He says that if I weren't working on the computer, he wouldn't play so much. (I have pointed out to him on many occasions that this has been proven false.)

Once, we found a video game that we both really enjoyed, and for a few weeks, we did not argue at all. We would wait until the kids were sound asleep and play together for an hour or so. Keep in mind, during this time, this was the only game we played. It wasn't the same as when he comes home from work and plays until well after midnight, or a weekends when he plays all day long. We played together for about an hour a night, Monday thru Friday, for a span of about three weeks. If his normal gaming was like that, I probably would not feel so alienated by him.

In conclusion, I believe that playing video games can negatively effect family and relationships when it is something that is done all of the time. If done in moderation, I think it is okay. For gaming to not effect a person's life, they need to know how to stop themselves from playing. Set a time limit and stick with , instead of always trying to get to the next level. The next level in a game will always be there to conquer.