The Embarrassment of Ulcerative Colitis

When I first started writing for AC, I wrote a basic overview of ulcerative colitis, which is one form of inflammatory bowel disease. At the time, I had just been diagnosed, and had no idea how this terrible disease might affect my life. Today, I've learned to cope with it through regular visits to my doctor and observance of a healthy diet, but there are times when ulcerative colitis seems more like a punishment than a sickness.

When first diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, I knew nothing about inflammatory bowel diseases. I'd heard of Chron's disease, which affects the small intestine and other parts of the digestive tract, but I wasn't aware of the specifics. Frequent trips to the bathroom coupled with extreme abdominal pain - usually during the night - finally sent me to my internist, whose diagnosis floored me.

A lifetime lover of spicy and acidic foods, I was told that my dietary habits would have to change immediately. Ulcerative colitis involves ulcers (sores) of the intestinal lining, as well as frequent diarrhea, both of which are exacerbated by spicy, acidic or citrus foods. It is also important to limit your intake of fiber and dairy products, which can increase the trips to the bathroom and the stomach pain.

There is no cure for ulcerative colitis, though extreme cases can be treated with surgery. The potential damage that removal of parts of the colon can cause, however, far outweighed the possible benefits for me. I had no desire to be laid up in a hospital for months; I had a family to support.

I made the decision right then and there to follow the dietary advice of my doctor. On the one hand, I would be giving up things that I loved; on the other, I couldn't stand the symptoms of inflammatory bowel disease. Ulcerative colitis was disrupting my daily schedule and creating uncomfortable situations for myself and my family. The choice wasn't a hard one, but I knew that it would take practice before I could get used to it.

For someone who doesn't have ulcerative colitis, diarrhea in a public place can be embarrassing, to say the least. Making excuses to use the toilet upstairs when at friends' houses, and rushing home from a date because you don't want to use the restaurant restrooms can be frustrating. But when you live with inflammatory bowel disease, you have to suffer that embarrassment on a regular basis.

I'd be lying if I said that my decision to leave my law practice wasn't at least partly because of this diagnosis. I didn't want to put myself in a potentially humiliating situation with a client, and I was simply more comfortable when working from home. The fact that I'd always wanted to be a writer was simple the icing on the cake.

As a man, inflammatory bowel disease has been embarrassing in more ways than one. For example, I'm married, and married couples are expected to have sex, but when I have a "flare up" of ulcerative colitis, my libido goes out the proverbial window. My wife has been extremely supportive, and she doesn't pressure me when I'm not feeling very well, but it can be emasculating to know that you should want to have sex even when it's the last thing you want to do.

Furthermore, I've tried to avoid social functions whenever possible ever since my diagnosis. It isn't because I think that my friends or former colleagues would give me a hard time about it, but because I've always been a composed and self-sufficient man. I realize how ridiculous this sounds, but I'd rather stay home while my family goes out than risk losing control in public. I'm not to the point where I don't make it to the restroom, but I never want to give myself the opportunity.

And believe it or not, the pain caused by ulcerative colitis can be terrifying. Symptoms can spring up out of nowhere, and it often feels as though your insides are about to rip open. I can control the pain with medication prescribed by my doctor, but medication is just another way to feel dependent on something else for survival. I try to go without drugs as often as possible, and I've developed a far better pain tolerance over the last year.

When you deal with ulcerative colitis - or any form of inflammatory bowel disease - the embarrassment of your condition can be excruciating, and can interfere with your life in more ways than you can imagine. However, it's important to remember that there are many people out there who suffer from it, and it really isn't something that you can "fix".

It's taken me quite a long time to finally make peace with ulcerative colitis, and writing this article is actually therapeutic. Admitting that I suffer from this disease is probably one step closer to regaining my sense of self, which is extremely important if you want to live a normal life.