the End

"Todd, I can't do it." "Come on Jim this is the way it is done." "I can't." "You must. Trust me, they are going to clean house if we don't." "Can you set up a meeting between just me and her?" "No, Jim I can't." "Can't or Won't" "Won't. I'm not going to let this whore, this two-timing piece of shit take everything from my friend." "Well, I have news for you. She can have whatever she wants." "No!" "Yes, on the condition that she meets with me for one hour alone." "Why are you paying me? You're paying me so you don't have to give this cheating bitch a damn thing! I'm not going to let this happen. I know you love her but she does not love you. She loves that loser. I'm not going to let her use you like this. She will not win." "You're just here to humiliate her." "You're damn right. I want her to die an old maid - hating me and her life." "I can't do that." "Come on Jim, quit being so noble! The woman cheated on you. She did it on purpose - did it to hurt you. Remember how she whispered in your ear about how much she loved you when she actually was thinking, loving and fucking this other guy? Do you remember this? Do you remember her admitting to dragging this relationship of yours out only to hurt you? Do you remember god damnit! This woman is a piece of shit and deserves everything bad thing that happens to her. I'm going to make sure that you're that bad thing." "I can't. I love her. You know this. I'll never hurt her again. You know I can't Todd. I just don't have the evil. I don't have the heart." "I do. I can and will." "No you won't. Not as long as you work for me. I told you what to do - now do it. You're my lawyer. You work for me. You do what I tell you or I'll find someone who will. Todd, please do this for me. It is the only favor I ask of you. I can't end it like this. This can't be the ending. Not this." "Damnit Jim! You're going to make me look like an idiot. You're going to look like an idiot. I'll never, ever, never, get another divorce after this." "Please." "No, I can't. She will not win. She can't do this to you." "Ok Todd you're not my lawyer anymore." "Fuck! Ok! Fuck! You fucking suck, you know that? I'm trashing my career! Trashing it! Just so you can play Mr. Chivalrous. Just so this whore can use you. You're fucking insane. I'm insane." With that Todd stormed back into Stuart's City Court House. Jim stood alone on the steps listening to his friends heavy steps fade. He found it odd that his heart was beating in perfect sync with Todd's steps. Tears welled in his eyes as he thought about what a good friend Todd was to do this. He was right that his career would be ruined. Jim knew that he would never be able to repay him. Never. Jim looked around him and thought about how great it was to live in Stuart, Fl. Being from the North, he never got completely used to the sea air. It woke him up in the morning. It energized him in some mysterious way. At the same time the rhythm of the waves slowed the pace. The two combined to create the tamed energy, sedated excitement that only a beach town could have. He loved it here. Soon he would leave Stuart to his dreams. This thought disheartened him. He hated her for making him abandon all of this. Jim knew she would never leave so he must. It hurt. Suddenly the door open and there she was. Her green eyes were glowing in the sunlight. Jim's mind seized and flashed to the beginning of his love for her. It was her eyes. He would never forget. The way she looked him - the sparkle he saw even in the dark. He loved her hair. She always wore it lose without any products. She said it felt better that way and Jim agreed. Jim skimmed her face. He knew every inch better than his own. The point of her nose, the angel-kiss freckles along her cheeks, the slender ruby lips, the lady like petite ears and the rounded soft chin - he loved it. Her eyes adjusted to the light and focused themselves on him as she walked towards him. He wondered what she saw. Was there in love left in those eyes for him? "Hi!" "Hi!" "Well, Jim let me tell you right now that if you want to yell and scream at me - forget it. I will walk right back inside and take your pitiful ass for everything you have left." "Whoa there lady, I just wanted to talk to you then you can have whatever of mine that you want. You know, Lisa as well as I that I don't have shit. So take whatever shit you want. All I ask is that you listen to me. No tricks. I plan on leaving right after this conversation and head back to Tampa. I'm not going to yell at you or even call you nasty names. Not that you don't deserve it but because I am over it. I'm over being mad at you. I'm over crying for your passion in the middle of the night. I'm over being empty. This is where I start to refill. To start over." "Well, that's real nice and all. I mean I'm real happy your leavin' and getting' on without me, finally. So let's get to it so you can be on your way out of my life. What do you want to say?" "This is going to be a one way conversation. I know this will be difficult for you but just be quiet for once. Basically I'm going to ramble about a lot of things. Just listen. I may make sense, I may not. All I know is that this is my side of what happen and why I failed you." "Go." "Well, as you remember, Bob called me at home a few years ago and told me about a job down here that I'd be perfect for. My life at the time sucked so bad that I was willing to do anything that would lead to a change. The minute I stepped out of my car I knew this place called Stuart was where I needed to be. This was going to be the place that would reinvent me. It would make me the person I'd seen in everyone else's eyes but never in my own. The sea is what I enjoyed the most. It invigorates my will, peaks my senses. This was my Eden. Me and Todd and Bob all lived together. We were all care free - drinking at night, playing during the day, fucking women when we had the time. Girls, alcohol and the sea air were all here for us to consume. Somewhere along the line my inspiration to pick up my guitar came back. Melodies were playing in my head. I could hear them everyday, everywhere at every time. I played and played until they sounded as they should to my ears. Bob heard these passages and liked them enough to resume playing the drums. He just went out and bought them. Bob and I would play random melodies until we were exhausted. We went on like this for weeks. During this time I was drinking heavily. Alcohol was letting my feelings come out. My music sounded the best I've ever heard it. When I wasn't playing, I wished I was. Alcohol let it all come out. It let my soul loose. After these couple of weeks Bob introduced Ben to me. Ben also played guitar and wanted to play with us. In the beginning this was hard because I had to get use to him and his sound. Soon our souls combined and it sounded damn good. We would drink and play, play and drink until we couldn't move our fingers. I was in heaven. This lasted for a number of months, how long I forget. Then Bob and Ben decided we should play to others. That if we enjoyed it this much others would too. This terrified me. I did not know how I would handle the apathy or worse if others did not like it. If it didn't engulf them and raise them up like it did us, what would I do? I was scared. I turned to my new buddy bourbon whiskey. At the time he was a good friend, my best friend. The first time we played out I had been drinking all day long. Me and Todd took his boat out early in the morning. By the time we got back all the bottles were empty. Even in the stupor I was in, I was still scared. I thought for sure by the time I got home they would be gone and would be let off the hook. Of course I had no such luck. When I got home Bob was sitting on the couch drinking and Ben was on his way. We got to our gig around 10:30pm. As we began setting up my heart raced and I grabbed some more booze - I don't even remember what or from where - and downed it. Ben stepped up to the mic and counted us off. We killed. The crowd loved us. They sang our songs with us and some even jumped on stage and played with us. It was great, we loved it. I never saw Ben or Bob smile bigger or laugh harder than on that night. I never saw them do it again because that was the beginning of the end. Now me, Bob and Ben are walking around with these great big melon heads. We believed we were great. We all quit our jobs to devote ourselves to the music, to the band. In the midst of all this is when I met you, Lisa. You just seemed to add to the aura of this time, this music. To me it was right the way we met, perfect in every detail. I remember it like it just happened. I saw you across the smoked filled bar. You were talking to some guy, one of your friends I think. But what I really remember is your face. Your eyes especially, they were brilliant. It was as if your whole body glowed. Your eyes seemed to harness the light. You seemed to have a spotlight on you. You were the only person I could see. Every ounce of the light in the bar drew itself toward you. Everyone and everything else seemed to be draped in darkness to me. I know you only vaguely remember this but I remember. I can still smell the smoke and the sweat. It wasn't until two weeks later that we actually met. I looked for you at each gig. I promised myself that if I ever saw you again I would immediately ask you out. So when we arrived at the same club, I had butterflies . It was all I could do to get my legs to walk in your direction. When I finally uttered the words for a date I braced myself for the "no". But you said yes. I thought I would explode I was so happy. Now I kinda wish we would have never met at all. I take that back I wished we would have met two or three years later. But we did meet, we did go out, we did fall in love and we did get married. As you know it was all good in the beginning. But it got very bad very quickly. Why you even married me I don't know. During our entire relationship I was never happy. We had nothing. I could not quit drinking no matter how hard I tried. I know you think I never really tried until you left but I did. I know it sucks to hear this but when you left, I no longer had the pressure of making you happy. When that pressure was gone I no longer wanted to drink. The music had long ago passed by. I could only face our lifelessness intoxicated. It didn't help that the music failed. Even as drunk as I was I eventually realized how bad we sucked. We could not get any paying gigs. We were so bad and nobody in the band seemed to care. I felt like a complete loser. Why I could never tell you, I don't know. Yes I do. I hated making you upset even though I did anyway. Kinda twisted. It doesn't make sense but I believed you were happier not knowing my misery. We had no relationship but I did love you and do love you with all of my heart. It will take me a long time to get over you. I don't blame you for anything that you have done. I don't like the way you did it but I don't blame you. This was my fault. I hope you are happy with you man. I know your heart is filled with him and I am jealous. I wish you could have loved me like that. But you can't really chose who you love and for how long. I only hope he loves you as much as I did and do. I can only wish you luck and let you know I'll always remember you as the one I let get away. Well that's it. I'm leaving town in about a half an hour and you'll never hear from me again I promise, it would hurt me too much." "Can I talk now?" "Yes of course." "Well that sounded great. I can't believe you did not need flash cards. It's no wonder you couldn't let me speak - you might have forgot it all." "I didn't write or rehearse it." "Yeah, but I bet you rehearsed it in your mind over and over until you thought if everything you wanted to say." "Your right, I did." "Well it sounded nice and to your own words - it will be a long time before I get over you. Not because I still love you but because of the spite I have for you. I'm glad you let your soul loose and you're moving on and all but I am also glad you are suffering and I'm glad you are leaving so I don't have to look at your pathetic ass anymore." With that she spun away from Jim and walked up the steps. "Nice talking to you." She shot Jim a bird without turning around. Jim didn't much hear what she said at the time. He only stared at her face and those eyes. Her words came to him later and had the desired affect -he was wounded. Now though Jim just watched her disappear into the courthouse - hoping she would turn around one more time, she didn't. That was the last time he saw her, his only true love.