The End of Childhood

Growing up, I suppose it can be said I was an exercise in contradiction. Listened to a lot of reggae, never smoked marijuana. Hated the nerds, but excelled in school. But now, I'm about to graduate college. And now, I've realized that I wasted a lot of time and chances half a decade ago. Largest of all: Prom.

I don't necessarily want to say high school was a waste of time. I learned a lot about the world and I learned a lot about myself - namely, that I was an iconoclast and hipster to-be (before I straightened out, at least).

My senior year, I didn't go to prom. I didn't want to waste my time. What I did do, however, was party. I never really was one for school events and, well, I saw the people I knew from school at school, so what was the point?

But I will say this: I missed out. I know it now. There could have been plenty of times for me to get drunk or party with my friends, but now, I will never have a prom memory of being at prom. I remember seeing friends who were at prom and hearing of all the wonderful stories (wonderful being somewhat elastic in its meaning here), but, nearing the age of 23, I don't really think I'll have the chance to experience it myself.

I'll never get the chance to wear a shiny, tacky tuxedo that would probably have been too large or small (you can't tailor a rental, I assume), nor will I ever have to awkwardly hold a girl during "This I Promise You" or some such. I won't be the person to say "Someone spiked the punch," nor will I be the guy who actually did it. I won't get the picture in front of the lame backdrop taken by the event photographer who probably hates his/her job. I'll never be able to see the mirror ball descend from the ceiling and throw blobs of rotating light around the room and see my friends do the Macarena or whatever the dance of the year was back then.

Sounds bad. Which part, though?

As people grow older, I'd like to think they start to believe that their memories - good or bad - begin to serve as character foundations. You can't teach old dogs new tricks, some say, but I find that hard to believe. I learn things now that I never would have thought to have the ability to change the way I think and act. And they do.

So it isn't the terrible, terrible boy band songs that blared through the PA that would have shaped me, no. It wasn't the "after-prom" of being locked up with a ballroom full of people I hated, either.

What it was, was that I missed something. I didn't dodge it, I realize now. And for some reason, I think a part of me was never really developed or recognized because of it.

Am I disappointed that I didn't celebrate prom the way most of the people I graduated with did? Absolutely. Even if it would have been the most painful 12-plus hours of my life, I'd have known about it. Twelve hours as opposed to wondering what it would have been like for the rest of my life.