The Ever Lasting Affects Terrorism Has Put on Us All

Let's just call him Curtis. My sister's son, which makes him my nephew. Grew up feeling he was not loved the way he wanted to be or should have been. Took his anger out on anything that stood in his way, until his mother tried to get some control back.

She decided that she would send him away to a southern Baptist, all boys school in Tennessee. Away from her and the rest of his family, including me. The one person he knew would never judge him for anything that he did. After four years, Curtis graduated at the top of his class. He then decided that the Army was where he wanted to be.

Being in a controlled environment for four years, he thought that maybe the Army would be the same. Turns out he was right on the money. Not but a few weeks after he finished basic training. Curtis was deployed to Iraq. This would be his first out of three tour of duties in 8 years.

The first time he would go, I remember the feeling of being anxious for him to return quickly unharmed. I knew that even though he had turned his life in a different direction, that he still had a lot of anger inside. I was afraid putting him into a situation with such hostility would kill him. Fortunately, he came back unharmed, and not the same person when he left.

He talked about the violence, the blood shed, how it was so easy for him to shoot other human beings that were a danger to him and his group. Anything that he spoke, he was reminded of what he and so many other soldiers had endured in those 18 months in Iraq. That was just the beginning for him.

After being home for not even a year, he received his orders that he was being sent back to Iraq once again. This time only for 14 months. Those 14 months came and went. Finally after another 18 months of living in fear for his and his troops lives, he was sent home.

This time, he did not talk to much about what went on in Iraq, instead he silenced himself from his family and close friends. When we did see him, immediately you could see the stress on his face from what he had seen and been through. It was beginning to takes its toll on him. The pain in his face was obvious, and heart wrenching to say the least.

Finally Curtis thought that he could settle down since he had been in Iraq two times already. He started to regain some sort of security and was promoted to E-7. Now with men under him, he became more and more happy with the life he had chosen in the military. He was working hard, enjoying time with his friends, he even met a girl whom he decided he wanted to marry.

After being married for just 1 month, Curtis received papers saying that he was being sent back to Iraq once again. On the weekend of his one month anniversary, instead of celebrating with his new wife, they were saying goodbye to one another. They would not see each other for six months, only for a two-week period. Then back to Iraq he went for another grueling eight months.

Although it seemed as if the time had gone by quickly for us, time for him went by as slow as pouring glue. His mind had been brought back to all the other times he had been in Iraq. This time when he returned, he was angry. He filed for divorce from his new wife, he was not getting any sleep, night sweats and rage was an everyday occurrence.

After three tours of duty, it finally got to him to where it did not matter whether he was home or in Iraq. He was being terrorized by the thoughts of being there, just as if he were still there. Now as the days go on for those who have no idea what it is like in Iraq. Curtis must see a psychiatrist three times a week. He must try to put all his feelings out in a session that lasts only one hour.

He is angry and terrified all at the same time. This life that he has chosen, all though knowingly going into it with open eyes, has turned him into the person that he never wanted to be. Someone who is scared, yet cannot show it. Angry, but has no way to get out all the anger he is feeling. Unsure of where his life is going to take him now.

At 19, he knew just what he wanted. He wanted a career in the United States Army. He wanted to be someone who everyone he knew looked up to, not sympathized with. Now at 28 years-old, Curtis is looking to get out of the Army, to try to live a better, peaceful life. To try to somehow put some reason in why he and so many others had to endure such terror in a short period of time.

We might say that the war in Iraq is over, but for those soldiers who are just coming home, or who have come home. The war and terror in their minds will always be there. For them, the words "over" do not exist.