The Face of Face Book: Is Technology Making the Connection?

I recently acquired a FaceBook page, at the urging of a friend. I quickly discovered that everyone was there; my entire family had FaceBook pages that I did not even know about. Before long, friend requests from high school classmates, some of which I haven't seen in 24 years, poured in. I went to an all girls' catholic high school where you end up with dozens of sisters for life. FaceBook, and previously Classmates has done wonders to see that this is a reality.

Gradually friends from my hippie- Dead -Head- hay -day of 22 years ago began to find me. This was quite ironic since this crowd was a literal transient counter culture. The most advanced electronics any of those folks had was a radio, if that; technology, as part of the establishment, would have been a major sell out to the Babylonian capitalistic evil. These FaceBook encounters were far beyond surreal- these are folks that I saw often, without any pre-arrangements or telephone calls, just running in the same circles and making the same "scene."

Many of these folks now have one or more of the following: college degrees, many advanced, careers, many with computers, marriages, children and grandchildren. The writer in me and my sense of nostalgia wanted to reconnect, get updates, give updates, ask tons of question, ask about photos and info on their FaceBook pages, inquire about posted traveling, exchange phone numbers, and maybe even have some kind of reunion despite the fact that we are all scattered from Hawaii to the East Coast. After all these were folks I shared some intense times with, events and scenarios that will never happen again, not to mention this was all happened 20+ years ago.

I have come to find, curiously, my FaceBook world, that there is little interest in actually interacting with me beyond 'how are you' or 'how have you been.' What am I doing on these "friend lists" if I am not still a friend? Is it all just window dressing? Do my friend's list people visit my page, without my knowledge, looking through photos like voyeurs?

I have a friend I will call her K. from my counter culture era mentioned above, who found me via the Internet a couple of years ago after 15 years. I did not have a facebook page then, but she found me by Goggling my name. K. back in the day, used to travel all over the country living in a Volkswagon

Bus® To keep in touch with her I created a FaceBook page; she posted a message saying how thrilled she was that I was on FaceBook. She went on to say that, this culture has become so fragmented and that FaceBook bridges the gap- I could not disagree more, I believe it is another way to become more fragmented. When I shared my disappointment mentioned in the previous paragraph, she suggested that I probably was too overwhelming with my summaries of the last 20 + years and all of my questions. She went on to explain face book etiquette to me, that you keep your messages and post down to a few sentences, asking "how are you" This is not connection or even communication this is fragmented small talk and I don't really see the point.

These scenarios cause me to reflect on how communication technology has affected everyone. Most everyone the world over has some kind of Internet access. I would venture to guess that 99 out of 100 people have cell phones- I know when I have told people that I don't have a cell phone they look at me like I have three heads. I have to remind folks constantly that my Internet access is extremely limited and not to send time sensitive information to my email. I have always found it bizarre when folks who live real close to me and certainly in my same calling are, prefer to email rather then call. There are now Iphones and Blackberries that not only make calls, send text messages, take pictures, send emails, but also that can search the Internet and perform GPS navigations at warp speed. There is more technology in the form of communications devices then ever before and it is still growing as I type these words. My question is Why are we more deficient then ever at communicating? We have ways of connecting with others as far as the other side of the globe, with no delayed gratification, and we have never been more fragmented and disconnected.

What's more is this technology takes us out of the moment and the life that is happening around us in these moments. Talking on cell phones anywhere and everywhere is so common folks hardly notice it anymore; I notice it plenty and wonder who is this person talking with (who is not't present at this location, in this moment) what are they talking about and what is wrong with what is happening around this person on the cell? What is wrong with who is actually present, in person? What are they missing, in the present and in their present surroundings while talking on the phone? The same thing applies to "texting" and Internet surfing with an on a cell phone.

Communicating through the Internet has other communication problems- misunderstandings. I cannot say how many times I have written something that someone interprets me being angry or some other intense emotion that I was not having when I wrote it. My FaceBook friend K. sent me a suggestion of an old mutual friend of ours to add- when I saw who it was I was excited, in truth. Without any hesitation, I added him as a friend. I made some comments to her about the pictures to friend K. She wrote back and asked why I added him as a friend if I did not want to. I was perplexed and reread my original message looking for some clue as to how she could have formed this impression.
My other recent FaceBook reunion from 20 years ago is a friend I will call R. I remember when R. had few possessions- 3 changes of clothes, a sleeping bag, and crystals. He did not have a land line phone (much less a house to plug one into) and certainly not a Blackberry®. R. asked how I was and I wrote back- latter I wondered if something I said in my FaceBook message was perhaps insensitive. Much of the reason I was left to wonder was because he was one of the folks who had not written back to me. When I sent a FaceBook message apologizing for my insensitivity I did hear from him. His response was that he did not know what I was sorry about and gave me his cell number (surprise) and added that he was weary of FaceBook and that was why he did not get back to me- thank goodness, he has not changed too much despite having a cell phone and Internet access. Thank goodness, he still has most of his humanity!

This is not a derogatory statement about FaceBook itself. I had fun posting photos bragging about my travels. I cannot wait to post photos of my recent whale watching expedition. Of course, I have no idea who will look at them and if anyone will care. I hold people and the comfort zone they have created in distant and impersonal communication and how we have fragmented ourselves. I think most folks are not aware of this and we are not even trying- we hide safely behind our computer screens.

People are suffering as a result. Trying to interact with young people who have only known this age of technology reflect this suffering; expect to point and click everything in life, they often feel entitled, have little respect for their elders, have a hard time thinking in abstraction or outside of the box and are becoming socially inept.

Older folks hide behind the Internet as well which is more baffling because we were alive before this technology surge. I remember when we did not even have push button phones and answering machines. Too often, I hear people of all ages say that they are not good on the phone and prefer email.

Last summer I was extremely happy when a set of siblings chose letting me take them black berry picking,(the real black berry fruit) everyday for a week, over going to the library to use the Internet. Picking black berries was the here and the now- it was black berry season. It was also an outdoor activity in nature that was naturally interactive. This made me happy and possibly hopeful, but these precious moments are so rare.