The Facts of Parental Alienation Syndrome

Often, the worst aspect of a serious problem is the sense of vagueness which stems from "knowing there is something very wrong, but not knowing what to call it." One specific problem, which is widespread but often misunderstood, is making its way into the public view by petitions for its inclusion in the next edition of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, published by the American Psychiatric Association).

Primarily focused in child-custody cases, but rendering a whole host of other possibilities, this newly-recognized problem is accurately termed "Parental Alienation Syndrome." Finally having a name, and deemed as a legitimate 'disorder,' those who are affected by it no longer have to "spin in a web of vagueness" about what is happening to their child.

Parental Alienation Syndrome is a very serious form of child abuse. As quoted by permission*, one who takes on the role of alienating a child against his or her parent is "perpetuating a form of emotional abuse in that such programming may not only produce a lifelong alienation from a loving parent, but a lifelong psychiatric disturbance in the child." In addition, one who employs such ruthless and unconcerned tactics "programs a child into a state of ongoing denigration and rejection of a loving and devoted parent is exhibiting complete disregard of the alienated parent's role in the child's upbringing."

In more plain language, someone wants your child; he will seek to accomplish this by turning your child against you, and, showing complete disregard and lack of conscience, will manage to manipulate the child into believing that his or her animosity toward you is his or her own idea. When someone wants something, and is willing to go to any lengths to get it, concern for the destruction it may cause is not a consideration.

From his extensive research, Dr. Richard Gardner concluded that Parental Alienation Syndrome is one that is most easily recognized and diagnosed-- if one has the facts. If you do not have the facts, you may be told that you're paranoid, blowing things out of proportion, or that you actually did something "wrong" which caused this newfound hatred in your child.

"Parental Alienation Syndrome is characterized by a cluster of symptoms that usually appear together in the child, especially in the moderate to severe types." These include:

"A campaign of denigration"-- the child is taught to hate the parent, to the extent of wanting to eliminate the parent from his or her life.

"Weak, absurd, or frivolous rationalizations for the deprecation"-- any problems or difficulties which actually exist between the child and parent are blown way out of proportion- inappropriate, extreme reactions to what would be considered minor difficulties in the absence of PAS. (an example: telling your child to do a household task is pointed out as "child abuse" or "being controlling.")

"Lack of ambivalence"-- it is full-scale, all-or-nothing.

"The 'Independent-Thinker' phenomenon"-- the child has been brainwashed and/or programmed to fully believe that both the hatred he or she feels toward the parent and the rationalizations for it are all by his or her own free will.

"Reflexive support"-- the child automatically and consistently "sides" with the individual who is doing this type of manipulation, believing that he is in the right and can do no wrong.

"Absence of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent"-- neither the child nor the manipulator has any sense that abusing the target-parent has any sort of wrongness to it.

"The presence of borrowed scenarios"-- using memories, thoughts., etc., which are not the child's own, in producing hateful thoughts in the child toward the targeted parent.

"Spread of the animosity to the friends and/or extended family of the alienated parent"-- the child will begin to intensely dislike and have negative opinions toward the hated parent's friends and associates.

You may have had a fairly good relationship with your child; suddenly he or she wishes no relationship with you at all, and professes, both in words and actions, not only preference for but loyalty to one who has decided he wishes to take over both your parental role and your child. In this, his dismissal of you and the extremes he creates to "bond" the child against you and to him is a clear indicator that he has no regard for either you or the child you have loved, nurtured and raised-- for the only "interest" he is serving is his own.

(*) brief description and symptoms from http://www.helpstoppas.com/ "A brief introduction to PAS" by Dr. Richard Gardner, 2001