The Family You Would Least Expect

Three people. Three generations. Three people related by marriage. Our family is a chocolate and vanilla swirl ice cream sundae.

I am 34. My husband Ray is 60. His mother is Mae 86. They are caucasian. I am black. I could be my husband's middle daughter. In another lifetime my mom could be his younger sister, and my dad could be his little brother.

Ray, his mom and I live in a retirement community (my decision). While there are younger people who live here, I am much more comfortable with older people and always have been. My husband and I work at home. My mother-in-law is retired and has fun meeting friends at the local Senior Center. Every night at dinner we enjoy hearing of her adventures in Bingo and all the colorful characters she encounters there. Yes, we have dinner together every single night. Ray cooks, I clean and his mother is our entertainment. We have our very own dinner theater here at home!

Ray and Mae are my live-in support system and wisdom dispensers, so to speak. Through my husband I learned how important my future is and how it cannot be taken for granted. He has also shown me that it's not weak to accept love, but rather a sign of strength to be vulnerable to that love. His mother has taught me that not all people are stuck in what they have known all of their lives.

When I met Ray, I was a naive 24-year-old from the south, having lived the sheltered life of a child of a military parent. He was in the midst of a "life transition" at the age of 50, separated from his wife of 30 years. As our relationship grew from casual to serious, Ray decided to bring to light what our relationship meant to him. He wanted his family to know that he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. First person he told was his mom Mae, who lived across the country at the time. When he returned home from visiting her he told me that he told her everything: my age, my race, and that he is in love with me and wanted to get a divorce from his wife. He told me she cried when he told her. I still don't know to this day exactly what made her concerned about Ray's new life direction, and I guess in the final analysis it really doesn't matter. Mae met me and from day one we hit it off. She was impressed by my respectful and mature manner (thanks to my grandmother), and I was impressed by Mae's openness and willingness to get to know me. Her granddaughters are appalled by this, but being her own woman, Mae is steadfast in her confidence that I make her son happy; and that-as she says-is what matters to her.

What do I add to mix? According to Ray, I helped to remind him that life is full of opportunity and has to be a balance of fun as well as responsibility. According to Mae, she is learning about more of the world outside of her door and that it can be fun to take a chance at trying new things. She also learned that Tivo is a wonderful thing.

Do we as a family face judgement and assumption? Of course we do! We have learned, however, that people go by what they see: am I the maid? The housekeeper? Mae's caretaker? No, no and no...I am a proud member of one of the most unique blended families. Anytime you see us we keep you guessing. Guess what? We wouldn't have it any other way!