The Feminine Critique

I have seen the words "feminine mystique" thrown around a lot and decided to strike back a little. It's high time somebody tried to actually talk some sense in to all those crazy people out there with some idiotic notions about the female gender. I know I've written about beauty before but this is more of a sensible advice and information post rather than just a rant. I just decided to do something constructive instead of just bitching. ( I finally took my own advice, LOL). This isn't just for biological women either, there are a lot of others out there who are at least in part, of the feminine gender (like me). There's even stuff in here that's just good general advice for anyone.

Why don't we start with the number one thing that people need some serious help with. A number on a scale does not make you sexy. You wanna look good, check your proportions or your actual size. I don't mean dress size either. I mean get a measuring tape or something and get measurements of your self that aren't invented by some idiotic fashion marketing exec. Remember that muscles have much greater density (and therefore weight) than fat does. My wife lost two or three inches off her waist and yet never lost a single pound. I've even seen people gain weight when trying to get into shape and fit smaller clothes. Look in the mirror and get someone to look with you. Ask someone whose judgement you trust if you look fat or fine. Do not gauge yourself based on celebrities and models you see on TV or in magazines, they only represent a small percentage of the human gene pool. Most of them aren't as pretty as you might think anyway. The things you can do with make-up and good lighting are nothing short of magic. There is such a thing as airbrushed make-up, and it's been around for years. While I'm on the subject, I think I need to mention cultural differences in apparent beauty. Not everyone falls sucker to the crap that mass media is shoving down our throats. If people where you live think you aren't attractive, that doesn't mean that you aren't, it just means that they don't think so. Move to somewhere else or start spending your time with people that don't say mean things like that. There are a lot of women I have seen and think are attractive that others say are not attractive at all.

Attractiveness is more than your appearance. Your outside appearance may play a strong role in whether or not you are considered attractive, but there are other variables which are just as important. Having good looks isn't as important as just having a striking look anyway. One of the important variables in attractiveness is confidence. Your personal confidence levels make a big difference in how you look, sound, and carry yourself. Your attractiveness is also dependant on personal grooming. It doesn't matter if you're Aphrodite or Adonis if you stink and have greasy hair. Another thing that's important is how you interact with others. Speak clearly and confidently, look your subject in the eye, be calm and never raise your voice (never raising your voice can also be intimidating as hell if they know you're angry) and be polite and courteous. Finally, your mode of dress adjusts your attractiveness.

How you dress does not determine your personality, so don't get that idiotic notion in your head. You should dress to suit your personality and your own personal sense of style. Your clothes should tell people who you are, not who you are attempting to be like. Be yourself, wear things that suit you. Keep your clothes clean and in decent repair. I know that some rips and tears are purposeful, but not all of them are ( I have jeans with torn knees but it still annoys me when they get other tears in them). Finally, do not let someone on TV tell you how to dress. I can't stand to watch any of those makeover shows anymore after I saw what they did to some people. I wound up just trying to argue with the telly and wanting to write nasty hate-mails. Since when is someone's personal sense of style a bad thing? I can understand getting people to have better grooming and cleanliness but who are they to tell anyone to stop wearing a particular kind of clothing?

Not everyone is as feminine as you are. Don't expect deep emotional conversations from someone with a predominantly masculine personality. You complain about something to someone whose more masculine and they'll try to fix it. They are NOT interested in the emotional ramifications of any problem, only the solution. You want someone to listen to you and have a deep conversation about emotions? Get a therapist or go visit a friend who is more femme. Trying to make someone into what you want is an exercise in futility and frustration. Save yourself and your loved ones a lot of trouble by not trying to change them into what you want. "Women marry a man hoping he'll change and men marry a woman hoping she won't change". I can't remember where I heard that but it's true far too often, and it's a large reason for the increasing divorce rate IMHO.

Chivalry is not dead. Don't believe this lie or let it perpetuate. There are still plenty of men out there who can and will treat women with respect and dignity. Being a feminist doesn't give you the right to try to change the male sex. You want to try to change the way women are treated by society as a whole then I say "Go for it!", but when you try to make individuals change who they are, there's a problem. There's nothing wrong with being a very feminine (or masculine) person. Yes, women are people and should be treated and paid the same as men in the workplace, but we shouldn't be trying to turn women into men OR trying to make men into women. Be feminine or masculine and don't let chivalry die!