The Feminine Mystique

Ahh, the Feminine Mystique. No, not the mind-numbing life of housewives that Betty Friedan griped about in the 50's. I'm talking about the feminine allure that enraptures a man and yields that kind of enthusiastic devotion most women crave. The good news is, feminine allure is easy to obtain. In fact, you already possess it naturally. You only need to develop your sensibilities about it.

The Pick-Up:

Whether you are at a party, a conference, a club, or a work setting - the best way to get a man to pick you up is to give him repeated openings. And by repeated openings I do not mean heavy handed hints like "I have nobody to hang out with tonight...I wish someone would buy me a drink". Instead, try more subtle hints:

1. Body language and tone. You can show a man you're "open" by good body language - leaning in while he speaks, a gentle touch to his forearm while you speak, or crossing your legs in his direction. You can also use your tone to convey that you are pleased by what he says. Most importantly make consistent, direct - but gentle - eye contact. If he holds your gaze this will tell you he is a confident man. If he breaks your gaze often, this will tell you he is either shy or unavailable.

2. Be confident, but NOT overly eager. Being overly eager takes away the mystery of the feminine allure and alerts guys that you may be a clingy girlfriend. As much as you are willing to show interest in him, be willing to walk away without so much as a second thought. Sometimes an abrupt departure will leave you lingering in his mind.

3. Do not try to seduce a man in one conversation. Not that it cannot be done, but it is too linear and boring. Repeated playful contact with a person (over the course of weeks or even one night) is much more preferable. There is less pressure and more build up.

4. Yes, look good. If you don't like dressing up or putting on make-up, then at least be thoughtful about your look. Good accessories, flattering clothes...they are all part of the whole 'package' that appeal to men on a subconscious level, whether they are aware your earrings and necklace match or not.

5. Be sexy and modest. If you want to attract a man long term, you don't want to overplay what you have to offer sexually, as this is not your main asset. On the other hand you don't want to appear too prude either. Show your playful side by making a sly sexy remark, or a flirtatious joke. This will pique his interest and show him you are confident with your sexuality. However under no circumstances should you make yourself sexually available (beyond a little kissing and petting) on the first 4 dates. This is very difficult for some women, as many of us are used to giving in to our desires and handing over the goods quickly. But this is a misuse of your sexual power. It is not that you must control a man with sex (this is a bad idea), but you must control yourself if you ever expect him to control himself. You set an example by allowing the mystery to unfold over time.

The Comfy Sweater:

Perhaps you are in a relationship that is like a worn comfy sweater. It feels good and familiar, but it's a little stretched out. Chances are you have been through phases with your significant other in which you spend all your free time together and talk every day. Maybe you even live together. In any case, you feel the cat is out of the bag at this point, he's already seen your "that time of the month" skivvies. But behold, sister. For I bring good news. The beauty of man is his ability to forget; to conveniently erase things from his mind which bring him displeasure. You see, he WANTS to indulge in the mystery of his desire. He seeks it out all the time. You only need to respond to his call for mystery. Here are some fast and hard tips that will keep the boyfriend on his toes:

1. Don't call. Be busy for a few days. You can do it. You don't have to be cold when he does call you. Just be unapologetically busy and say you look forward to seeing him soon.

2. When you do get together, be fresh and in good humor. Do not be overly affectionate. Talk about things you don't usually talk about. Don't complain, or bring up the fact that you fought with your mom about the car again. Behave as though you are on a 3rd date.

3. Wear something new - underwear, outerwear or a new scent- and let him notice it for himself. If he doesn't notice or doesn't say anything, don't mention it. He knows there's something different; he just can't tell what it is.

4. Show your sensual side. Relish the food you have over dinner. Let your hands breeze over his leather jacket, or the velour couch. Run your fingers through your hair. Stop and smell the flowers. Mention how good the cool wind feels on your neck. Enjoy the rain. Men adore sensual women, and feel free when they can enjoy sensuality in their presence.

5. Don't 'give it up' right away. After dinner, you're going to want to cuddle up for some nookie. Sure you have your usual 60-second foreplay routine before you go for home base. But today is different. Have him go half way there and please you only with foreplay. Or let him go all the way but take twice as long as usual. If he becomes impatient, tell him you've been wanting this for a long time, and you'd love it if he teased you more. Men understand the concept of teasing full well, and once they figure out this is what you want they generally enjoy turning the tables.

Above all, enjoy your feminine allure and have fun! Don't worry too much about what you think is the ideal femininity according to FHM or Cosmo. The best kind of femininity is the effortless sort, where a woman uses the talents that come to her naturally. The mystique comes when she uses her natural talents in just the right doses in order to charm a man. It is not a myth - inner beauty shines brighter than outer beauty. So the most important ingredients for feminine allure are always confidence in yourself and a smile.