The Final Stages of Cancer: Dealing with the "C" Word

My father was struck down with Cancer when I was merely four years old. I watched as he rather rapidly dwindled from a superhero of a man into someone I could hardly recognize. He died before my fifth birthday. I always accepted the fact that I had a father who died of cancer and I grew from the experience, but I never thought of other people benefiting from my experience until recently.

A young man came up to me after I had helped one of his friends who was sick. It is safe to say cancer was the last thing I expected our conversation to be about. But as the young man's eyes swelled up and he began to talk about how his father had recently become ill with stage three pancreatic cancer I knew right away that I needed to talk with him.

Having a loved one with cancer is an extreme battle which I would not wish on anyone. But there comes a point in the disease where hope for survival disappears and hope for a peaceful and painless passing is what enters the thoughts of all involved. The final stages of most cancers deal with the loss of the majority of what makes us "us". My father's hair turned white, his face grew old and long, and he hardly moved from his bed at home. I cannot tell you what to expect but I can give you some advice as to what to do.

While the loved person is able and active, show them how much you care, Do anything that you might ever want to do with them, because unfortunately there will come a day when that person is not around anymore. The stages of death are sometimes felt by the family as well as the person, and realizing this can help prevent some unwanted friction at a time when everyone should be coming together and showing their love for each other, not drifting apart as a result of minor differences.

The initial stage of death is denial, which is totally expected. Cancer often comes completely out of left field. No one expects to go into the doctor because they feel tired, and get a phone call the next week saying they will die in 6 months. The next stage is anger; anger is the hardest because of its possible dividing factors. Remember anger is a stage that most people go through, and that you still love each other regardless of where you are. Bargaining is the middle stage. This could be seen as people attempt more and more damaging methods of Chemotherapy. Second to last would be depression, which will often be brought on by the lack of success of such painful methods of therapy as radiation and chemo. Finally we reach the stage of acceptance and hopefully this stage is reached at a time when the person who is ill still has their cognitive abilities and can make their wishes known and enjoy the final stages of their life.

The most important advice I can give you is to make sure the person knows you love them. Reconcile your differences and let them know how you truly feel. I wish that I could remember telling my father I loved him, but I cannot, I was too young. Death is never easy, regardless of how often you have seen it in your life. And remember everyone will grieve differently. The last thing you want is to hold something back and then live the rest of your life wishing you had said something, or wishing you had done something just one more time. Let the person know how you feel, that way you can both rest in peace once they have passed.