The Fine and Common Sense Art of Gift Giving

Everybody loves to receive gifts. Unfortunately, not all of us like to give them. All too often, we get caught up in the process of trying to outdo everyone else and rely on what is flashy, expensive and will reflect well on us. At other times, we consider gift giving nothing more than an obligation and resort to falling back on gifts that may convey the notion that we were unwilling to invest a little time and thought into selecting a gift.

Avoiding the appearance of apathy or self-aggrandizement is not that hard to do. Nor does matching the right gift with the right recipient have to be a complicated process. Here's a few simple guidelines to get you on the right track.

WHAT IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON?

Understanding the perimeters of your relationship with the intended gift recipient will have you well on your way to finding just the right gift. While your new boss may very well appreciate something general like set of silver candlesticks, chances are your brother would not exhibit the same level of enthusiasm. Conversely, something naughty for your spouse or significant other will most likely create a lot of fun around the house, but might dampen the party considerably if presented to your great aunt. Take into consideration your history and type of relationship with the recipient and you will eliminate a great number of inappropriate ideas right off the bat.

DO I LIKE THIS?

Several years ago, I was out shopping with two friends. We were looking through a small shop, when one of my companions picked up an item and made the statement "I like this. Betty's birthday is coming up and I'll get this for her. If she doesn't like it, then I can use it."

Wrong approach, and shame on you if this strikes you as a great idea.

There are two things every sincere gift giver must remember. First, it isn't about what you like. While most of us like to think our family and friends consider us to have exquisite taste in all things, chances are they have some ideas of their own when it comes to what they like and would appreciate as a gift. Instead of attempting to impose your own sense of style and likes on your unsuspecting loved one, take a moment and review what you know about the recipient. Focus on the recipient's own sense of style, hobbies, interests, and needs. The idea of a Sunday afternoon at a baseball game may send shudders up and down your spine, but if your loved one loves baseball, bite the bullet and buy a couple of tickets. That way, they can invite someone along who does share their love of the game.

Second, the gift isn't for you, even by default. Ideally, the gift should be presented with no thought of personal gain on the part of the giver. In other words, that dress may be your color and your style (that hopefully you share with the recipient), but your sister should not be expected to loan or give it to you at a later date. Don't establish a pattern of giving gifts as if you were hoping for a return on an investment; the only thing you should get should be an enthusiastic "thank you!" and a warm feeling.

WHAT RINGS HIS/HER BELLS?

As mentioned earlier, knowing at least a little about the recipient's taste, likes and dislikes, and needs will make a world of difference in selecting an appropriate gift. Make sure you dig a little below the surface. As an example, you know that your good friend Fred got a new CD player a couple of months back. This is not a call to run out and grab a half dozen CD's and wrap them up. First, inquire about what type of music Fred likes, what artists he enjoys the most. Then find out if there are any particular releases by those artists that ole Freddie does not own. Once armed with that information, you can go shopping with complete confidence.

Another approach is to discover a rarely expressed desire of your recipient, and see what you can do to make it come true. Perhaps it is to see a particular city, or dine in a restaurant that is normally too expensive for your loved one's budget. If so, makes plans to get them on the road, or arrange a special dinner. If necessary, coordinate with employers and other friends to make it happen. The smile on your loved one's face will make it all worthwhile.

FREEDOM - THE GIFT SO RARELY GIVEN

Perhaps the one thing that would mean the most to the recipient would be the chance to slip away from everyday life for a night or weekend. If circumstances permit, partner with other associates and arrange to take care of any important details that can make this happen. Provide your loved one with a free pass; offer to house-sit or take care of the kids for an evening or weekend. Do the yardwork on a Saturday afternoon and purchase a couple of movie passes for the recipient. Create the opportunity for the recipient to become free, even for a short time, and you are sure to bring some happiness into their lives.

WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, DON'T FORGET THE DECORUM

There are a lot of gifts out there that will bring expressions of joy to the recipient, but not all of them will be meant to opened and passed around in front of a bunch of other people. Edible underwear and other relationship enhancing items is a couple of examples of gifts that should be opened in a quiet moment, not at a big party with a mix of family, friends, clergy and other acquaintances present. You want the gift to be a big hit, but not with the entire neighborhood. Exercise some prudence in your selection, and take into account when the gift will be opened, and who will be present.

SEE, YOU CAN DO IT

Giving gifts is supposed to be a time for fun and to show how much you appreciate the presence of another person in your life. It does not have to be a duty or obligation that you fulfill under duress. By utilizing a little advance preparation and a dose of creativity, you can select gifts that will be remembered fondly for years to come.