The First Holiday Season Without Your Loved One

The holiday season is supposed to be about happiness, joy and counting your blessings. However, if this is your first holiday season since the death of a loved one, finding that joy and happiness can be bittersweet. And it can be almost impossible to count your blessings. Especially when every time you look across the table, you see that empty chair.

There is no simple or easy way to deal with the feelings of loss and sadness associated with the death of a loved one. Those feelings can find you at any time. You may hear a special song and remember it was the one Mom liked best. You may turn the channel on tv and see an old western that Dad loved. You may walk into a store and smell the scent of fresh baked bread. And remember walking into Grandma's house and smelling that same sweet scent. Those memories will be with you forever.

Cherish those memories. They will keep your loved one alive in your heart even if you can't hold them in your arms. Embrace them, open your mind up to those special memories. Suppose your family is sitting around the table at Thanksgiving and someone mentions how much Grandma loved cooking dinner. If the table gets quiet, start reminding everyone of a funny episode concerning Grandma. Maybe one Thanksgiving she burnt the turkey or dropped it on the way to the table. Try to talk about the good memories. It's good to talk about your missing loved one. It's good for everyone to know that you all miss her. If a tear gets shed, that's ok too.

Talking is the best way to cope with your family's grief. Let everyone share their memories about the loved one, children included. Children often have a hard time understanding death. So by talking about their grandma or grandpa, it helps ease the sense of loss. You can try explaining that even though Grandma is in Heaven now, she still loves the child. If possible, try to give the child something that belong to that person. Something that will always remind them of their special loved one. My mother was a big fan of Mark Martin, the race car driver. She watched all the races and cheered for him. She had a collection of Mark Martin things people had bought for her over the years. She also had a collection of dolls. After her death, we tried to make sure each grandson got one of her Mark Martin souvenirs and the granddaughters got a doll.

Don't ignore the empty space at the table. Acknowledge it. Include your loved one in your blessing and prayers. Open your hearts and listen to everyone as they reminisce about the past. Share their memories and add your own. That is the greatest tribute you can give to your loved one. Remember them with love and be grateful for the time you had them. Give thanks for those memories.

The most important thing to remember is that time will ease the pain. You may not believe it at first, but it does. Your holiday seasons may not be the same, but with time, you will come to enjoy this special time of the year once again.