The Five Fundamental Laws of Stupidity

Stupidity, like any other fundamental force of nature, can be understood by noting that it obeys certain basic principles, or laws. In order to fully appreciate stupidity in its various forms, we must therefore first understand what are known as the Five Fundamental Laws of Stupidity.

I. Stupidity occurs in discreet units whose numerical value can only be expressed as a prime number.

As will be demonstrated below stupidity, in its natural state, invariably occurs in amounts that cannot be evenly divided. This forms part of the reason as to why there is always enough stupidity to be assigned to both sides of any action with a remainder to be assigned to other, possibly unrecognized, factors.

II. One stupid object, when combined with another stupid object, results in a new object whose total stupidity represents the sum of the amounts of stupidity originally present in the two objects raised to the nearest, greater prime number.

This concept is best explained mathematically.

If you combine the two smallest units of stupidity, assigning to each unit a value of 1, and then try to divide the combined units into equal portions you will find that you now have more stupidity than you had to begin with. Mathematically,

1 + 1 ≠ 2, but instead 1 + 1 ≥ 3

In the same manner

7 + 5 ≥ 13

This law explains why the supply of stupidity will always exceed the demand.

III. A stupid object, regardless of whether it is stationary or in motion, will remain a stupid object until it interacts with another object possessing a quantity of stupidity equal to, or greater than, the amount of stupidity present in the first object.

In order to set stupidity into motion, one must first overcome the stupidity that naturally occurs as a consequence of simply sitting there and doing nothing. Since stupidity is always waiting to be set into motion, all that is required is the addition of more stupidity. However, you must add an amount of stupidity that is at least equal to, and preferably greater than, the amount of inert or resting stupidity. In other words, you arrive at a stupid result quicker if you add more stupidity to the original conditions.

IV. Any stupid object will attract another stupid object with a force that varies directly with the square of the distance separating the two objects.

While gravity may be the weakest of the fundamental forces, stupidity is by far the strongest. This is because the attractive force between two stupid objects is known to increase in direct proportion to the square of the distance separating the two objects.

If x is the relative distance between two stupid objects then the strength of attractive stupidity, s, between the objects is given by

s = x²

This law (also known as the Law of Universal Stupidity) explains why, no matter how far you attempt to separate them, two or more acts of stupidity will always come together at the worst possible moment.

V. Stupidity can be created but never destroyed

Although this law cannot be proven mathematically, there has never been a scientifically-proven case of the destruction of stupidity.

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In future postings we will examine how the scientific study of stupidity has contributed to our understanding of the world around us, from Newton's "Why does an apple fall down instead of up?" to the recent discovery of the most prevalent substance in the universe: dark stupidity.