The Five Most Common Reasons Marriages Fall Apart

Nobody sets out at the beginning of a Marriage with the thought that is won't last, or do they? After having been married multiple times little things like Prenuptial Agreements seem to be popping up. Right there is a good sign, that perhaps you are not really ready to believe in the happily ever after. Before we get into the 5 common Reasons Marriages fall apart and tips on how to fix it without getting another Person involved, let me touch on a couple things you should look out for before you get married.

You might want to think real hard about not getting married if...

your Partner can not hold a job longer then a couple of month at a Time.

your Partner has drug or alcohol problems.

you or your Partner doesn't want kids and the other does.

you argue more then you kiss.

you and your Partners sex drive and openness are not compatible.

you or your Partner have different levels of maturity or ambition.

The list could go on and on. This Article however is not about prevention, but about addressing, identifying and fixing the problem if at all possible.

A Word to the Wise.

If at all possible, keep third parties out of your personal problems. More often then not marriage counselors are gender preferring. Clergy is more about preaching the church laws then dealing with real daily issues and families may not find it easy if you can actually make it through to deal with both Parties in the same friendly and loving manner as before. Friends will take sides and more often then not try to destroy the relationship. Remember, that they too have something to gain from your loss.

Honestly, this is not a time for lies, drama or blame.

Remember, that when things are on the Rocks already you don't want to make it worth by setting out to hurt your Partner on purpose. Trust me you are not innocent in this either. If you are a victim of physical or sexual abuse, don't try to fix it. You can't! Get out and get help. All others have to be willing to be completely honest with them-selves and with their partner. Don't assign blame or delight in drama. This is not a courtroom or the theater.

We split up over religious differences - she worshipped money ....and I didn't have any. Quote: B.J. Cole

This funny little Quote actually is a two for the price of one deal. It touches on two common Reasons for Marital Problems. Different Religious / Spiritual Believes and Money.

Let us start with the almighty Dollar first. If Money is a constant problem between the two of you, you may have to find the exact cause. Can you pay the Bills or are you living above your means. In that case you may want to review your budget or consider changing jobs. Make sure you both know what is essential to both of you and do not cut yourselves completely to the Bones.
The money is controlled by a tight wad. If one is very free spending and the other is a herder of money, you can run into big problems. Again sitting down honestly and setting up a budget can make a big difference. Assign each of you a reasonable Allowance that you can spend freely without having to account for it. However, you can not go over the amount agreed upon. That teaches one to let go a little and the other to tighten a bit. Treating the other like a Child when it comes to finances is often something I hear. Remember that you are not a Parent. You may not see something as important to, but your spouse does. As long as it doesn't harm your Relationship, your health or your household, what does it matter what the other one spends their money on. So what if she wants the 15^th pair of shoes, so what if he wants that new Computer Game, what is the problem in buying another DVD for little Johnny? As long as you can afford it, don't make a big deal out of it.

Religious or spiritual differences.

In the beginning it may not be a problem, but once kids come along or you get older you may feel the need to force your believe on your partner. Don't do that! Ever! If you are not the type to run to church 3 times a week, but are happy to go on Sunday then that should be enough. If your spouse is more radical in their beliefs then you are, you may want to gently let them know that you are not ready for that approach. If children are involved and you can not agree on a religion, then perhaps you should let them grow up and find their Path for them-selves. That is always advisable. Whatever you do, don't make religion a focus point in your Bedroom.

Boredom in your Bedroom.

I don't care how kinky you are; sooner or later you will get bored with the same stuff over and over again. To loose the excitement of the new is normal. Here is a where you have a give and take situation. Perhaps you are no longer new and exciting, but often an old and comfortable shoe fits best. You can let go and be yourself. How wonderful! If the excitement has gone out of your Bedroom, why not try something new with each other. Read a book about Tantric Sex and try all the positions out. Go to the local Bookstore and buy some toys for each other. Wear something naughty and role-play. Rent a Motel Room and meet there for a clandestine Affair with your spouse. Have dinner and play under the table. There are a hundred things you can do when you are alone or the kids are in bed. Just use your imagination. Be honest what it is you want and go for a compromise.

Constant nagging and putting the other one down.
Yes, that too is a form of abuse and both genders are experts at it. If you wouldn't want to be married to yourself, it is a good indigation that neither does your spouse. Remember to retain an attitude of gratitude and unless you are married to a complete creep, your partner will give you dozens of things to be grateful for. Don't wait for them to read your mind either. If you have something that you want, ask for it once. Remember, honey catches more flies then vinegar. The Key here is asking, not demanding. Don't expect it to happen that second either. Some people are just not wired that way. Appreciate what is given or done. Give Praise, not constant condemnation.

Keeping Secrets
You don't trust me. Anytime I hear that, I have to wonder why. If you constantly hide things from your Partner, you have to make sure you Partner can not see what you are doing then you are doing something you shouldn't. There are certain things my husband does that I absolutely hate, but I appreciate the fact that he doesn't hide from me. By being honest about it, I can deal much better with it. I never leave the house without telling my husband where I go and if I change my plans I call him to let him know. He does the same for me. We each know how much the other has, etc. We have nothing to hide from each other and that is the kind of trust in being allowed to be who we are with out having to fear that we are ridiculed.

There are of course many more, but those are the top of the list. Remember, that love is something worth fighting for. You may not always like each other, but you don't have to quit loving each other. Nobody is perfect! Be the person you would like to be married too and make it your lives goal to make your partner happy. Trust me, if you put your spouse first, in time they will do the same for you. It is never too late to start.