The Five Stages of Bullying

Most people do not realize that bullying is a progression. In their book, No, it's not OK (Penguin Books, 2007), Tania Roxborogh and Kim Stephenson describe the five typical stages that bullying goes through as it develops from minor annoyances to ongoing and intense harassment. It is best to stop bullying in the early stages before serious harm is inflicted on the victims.

Bullies Watch and Wait

Bullies typically choose someone who is smaller and weaker than themselves. The person may be from a different culture, race or religion and may be marginalized by other factors. A bully will watch a potential victim for a period of time, assessing his or her weaknesses and whether he or she is likely to fight back.

Bullies Test out the Waters With Their Victims

After observing their victim for a while, bullies may interact with them and gauge the response. The interaction is normally minor and includes such things as a push in the corridor or a snide remark about body shape. The victim is unsure at this stage whether the bully was just feeling mean that day or if it is a sign that worse is to come.

The Bullying Steps up a Notch

By this stage the child will realize that the bullying is purposeful and upsetting. He or she may ask a teacher or parent for help but is often given glib advice about standing up for himself or herself. The bully watches what is going on and if the way remains clear, he will step up the harassment.

The Bullying Gathers Momentum

If the victim is resigned to the bullying, the perpetrators will take advantage of this and begin to bully more and more. The abuse may move from the playground into the classroom and even outside of school. The victim begins to feel unsafe and exhibits behavioral changes. Parents and teachers may blame the child and misunderstand the behavior which only makes matters worse.

Bullying is Fully Established

By the time bullying is fully established, the child will be living in torment. The bullies will harass him or her at school, in the classroom, in the playground and on the way home. The abuse may overflow to sexual harassment or cyber bullying where the person is sent derogatory texts and emails. Social networking sites such as Bebo and Facebook may also be targeted.

Recognizing the progression of bullying is important for parents, caregivers and teachers. Any warning signs should be attended to and the child given the opportunity to share in private what has been happening to him or her. Bullying can be stopped and bullies can be held accountable but it normally takes adult intervention. If in any doubt, assume the child is being bullied and take action from there.