The Five Stages of Dealing with Death and Dying

Shannon, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Nov 30, 2006 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here."

My father passed away suddenly on May 19, 2006. He was only 45 years old and this came as a great shock to everyone who loved and knew him. Autopsy results later revealed that my father had died of a massive heart attack.
The first reaction I had when I heard that my father passed away was shock. Denial set in immediately and while I was standing there looking at my father in the hospital room I still couldn't believe that he was gone. I showed denial by not wanting to listen to what anyone was saying. I kept telling myself that this can't be happening and isn't real. Denial lasted up until the day my father was buried. This is when it really opened my mind and I knew that he wasn't coming back. In a way I am still dealing with denial, because I still can't believe that my father is gone.

I felt a lot of anger after my father passed away. I was angry with everyone for quite some time. I then realized that I was directing my anger toward the wrong people. I was angrier with myself for not calling my father more or making an effort to spend more time with him. I had so much anger inside that I couldn't sleep at night and I didn't know what to do. I took the anger that I felt and talked about it with close friends and this really helped me. Going through anger was very helpful for me. It helped me express my emotions on a level that I have never been able to do before. I no longer feel angry because I know that my father and I had a wonderful relationship.

I fell that Kubler-Ross meant that bargaining is a way of pleading for your life or the life of someone else. I began bargaining a few days after my father died. I remember praying and asking God to please give my father back to me. I kept telling myself I would give anything if my father were still here, so I was willing to bargain with whatever it took just to have him back. In my opinion bargaining is more likely to occur when you loose someone suddenly. For instance, if my father had been 80 years old I would have been more prepared and knew deep down inside that it was his time to go.

Depression got the best of me for about two months and set in the day I heard the news. It fluctuates all the time. I can be fine today, but tomorrow I might be crying for hours at a time. I felt sever sadness at first, but now it's more mild. I have never experienced a pain like this before, so it was very hard to deal with the depression. I sought help for my depression because I couldn't deal with it on my own. I spoke with the minister of my church once a week until I was ready to deal with it by myself.

I think that Kubler-Ross defines acceptance as dealing with your grief. I interpret this as getting passed all the other stages of dealing with death. I fell that the majority of people can get to this stage, but not everyone depending upon the situation. For example, if someone was murdered and the killer was never found it would be hard to achieve acceptance. Once you finally get to the acceptance stage I think it will last. In order to reach acceptance I feel that it is helpful to talk about your grief, share your memories with loved ones, and realize that acceptance does not mean forgetting.

I agree with all of Kubler-Ross' stages. However, I don't feel that everyone will go through these stages in this particular order. These stages were quite helpful to me. It gave me a better understating of the grief process and it is normal to feel this way. Also, I now have a better understanding of the stages I have gone through and am currently in. The stages of the grief process are quite accurate in my 8opinion. The only change that I would make is that these stages don't occur in any particular order and can occur at anytime when dealing with death.

Published by Shannon

I am 26 years old and attending college to earn my associated degree in Nursing. I enjoy reading, movies, travel, and music. View profile