The Freedom of Being Me

Conforming has always been an issue for me. I just can't get the hang of it. I can live on the fringes of conforming, I can observe the reasons for conforming, and I can even in some ways...understand why people conform. But...I never can just get my mind around actually conforming to any thought or standard or action not entirely mine.

Consequently, I am rather an oddball person. I really do not "fit in" anywhere. My clothing may never be right, my speech is always wrong, my house is always crazy, my behavior is never the "norm", I sometimes embarrass my children and my mother, and obviously my ex husband right out the door. But...I still can not conform!

There are days I would love to know the secret. How do I make myself follow the flow instead of being the whirlpool in the edges? Is there a secret formula to take away individuality and freedom of thought? Can a person be taught to be a society clone? I know it has been attempted in Psychiatric asylums since the 1940's through the use of electroshock "treatments" and through the use of many a parent's belt across a child's behind. Governments utilize media patsies to attempt the same treatment through labeling people like me as undesirables, schools do the same by pointing out differences and how they cause problems, all giving the impression conformity is an obvious must of a society.

On days when I feel lonely I chide myself for not being able to say the right thing, or like the right things, or look the right way just so someone will want to be in my presence at least a portion of the 365 days of a year. But then...I look at the world around me and realize I just can not do what is expected of me. I laugh when I want to, cry when I feel the need, dance to my own music, sleep when it comes to me, eat when I remember, read what I like and not what I am told to, wear a dress and sandals in the winter if my mood says I must, say I hate something if I hate it, love it when I do, have faith in my ability to know right from wrong, have faith in my odd spirituality, love when I am told not to, mouth off when I need to, and generally....just live within the Freedom of being ME.

If someone can only "love" me if or when I "conform" to their ideal, then I will live without love. If someone will only hire me if I pretend to be all they imagine, then I will have to find other ways to make a living. If society turns their nose up to me, I will create my own society even if it is a society of one. I can not conform -because I love, even when it makes me sad - the Freedom of being Me.

Source: Self (Original Facebook Note)